Men should open up like women to boost mental health
Talking about feelings or emotions is considered womanly, feminine, and sissy-like. However, the concept of manning up takes on an entirely new dimension when it comes to mental health.
What you need to know:
- When women speak up, they find labels for emotions and feelings that were once nameless, and they liberate themselves from the suffocating grasp of unspoken burdens.
- Not speaking up for men, unfortunately, is often synonymous with manning up.
When faced with challenges, women tend to find solace in speaking up, while men often choose to stay silent. In his book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Dr John Gray asserts that each sex can be understood by how they respond to stress and difficult situations. Women want to talk about problems, while men want to solve them.
When women speak up, they find labels for emotions and feelings that were once nameless, and they liberate themselves from the suffocating grasp of unspoken burdens. Not speaking up for men, unfortunately, is often synonymous with manning up.
Talking about feelings or emotions is considered womanly, feminine, and sissy-like. However, the concept of manning up takes on an entirely new dimension when it comes to mental health.
As we embrace May, the month dedicated to international mental health awareness, it is an opportune moment to confront an undeniable truth: the time has come to redefine what it means to man up. Perhaps manning up can involve talking like women by talking about problems.
Also read: Don’t criticise men when they open up
Recently, I was captivated by a performance by Buoga Okoth, a health practitioner who once contemplated suicide. In his poem, A Man with Time, he profoundly expressed, “...it's the thoughts that truly kill a man before he kills himself.”
His words etched themselves on my mind, and I couldn’t help but wonder: what if men could openly articulate the burdens that weigh on their hearts and minds?
The potential consequences are staggering, and it begs the question - why don't we encourage men to speak up more often? In fact, why don’t we encourage men to talk like women?
Two years ago, I experienced a traumatic robbery that led to insomnia and what was later diagnosed as post-traumatic stress disorder. Desperate for relief, I shared my struggle on WhatsApp, typing: “I'm tired of being tired.” Thankfully, a friend recognised that I might be depressed, pushing me to seek professional help.
Accessing help
As an alpha woman, I initially resisted the label but ultimately chose to speak with a counsellor who recommended a psychiatrist. In retrospect, I realise that speaking up was crucial in accessing help.
Recently, I participated in a Twitter Space discussion on men's mental health, where a speaker made a poignant observation: men are often culturally discouraged from discussing their problems and would rather suffer in silence.
It comes as no surprise, then, that the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics report, Women and Men in Kenya, Facts and Figures, 2022, reveals higher rates of mental illness among Kenyan men. This trend is not exclusive to Kenya; globally, depression affects more men than women.
Any reputable mental health practitioner will stress the importance of communication as the first step towards healing. Phrases like “Don't cry, you are a man” need to be replaced with “Please cry, you are a man,” or even "Please cry, you are human.”
Let's take the crucial first step of encouraging men to "talk like women" as we work together to break the chains of mental illness.
The writer comments on social and gender topics (Twitter @FaithOneya; [email protected]).
