Reflections on turning 40: For women, age is more than just a number
Women in their 30s are bombarded with questions and judgements about their fertility as if that’s their sole purpose in life.
What you need to know:
- Despite my strong feminist convictions and open-mindedness, I’ve come to realise that societal expectations based on age don’t spare even those who fight against them.
- From the cradle to the grave, a “sell-by” date seems to be stamped on women, as if we were perishable goods on supermarket shelves.
As I approach my 40th birthday, I can’t help but ponder those nagging questions: “Am I enough?” and “Have I achieved enough for my age?”
Despite my strong feminist convictions and open-mindedness, I’ve come to realise that societal expectations based on age don’t spare even those who fight against them. From the cradle to the grave, a “sell-by” date seems to be stamped on women, as if we were perishable goods on supermarket shelves.
Our journey is fraught with challenges. Across the globe, innocent young girls endure the horrifying ordeal of female genital mutilation in their infancy. This practice strips them of their ability to choose and dictates their future. Their innocence is sacrificed at the altar of barbaric cultural practices.
As we grow, the challenges continue to intensify. In many parts of the world, girls face the grim reality of early marriages, forced into adult responsibilities like childbearing when they are still children themselves, subjecting their bodies to the horrors of fistula and endangering their lives. The education system offers no sanctuary for those who manage to escape this vicious cycle.
Even in the supposed sanctuaries of higher education, the spectre of age-based judgement looms large. Young women are confronted with the ugly reality of having to trade their dignity for grades, as sexual harassment remains a pervasive issue. Their youth and vulnerability become tools for unscrupulous lecturers who lurk in their lecture halls.
After graduating from university comes the often inevitable pressure to get married as if happiness and fulfilment were contingent on a marital status that a calendar can easily circumscribe. This expectation chips away at a woman’s autonomy and decisions, dictating when she should take her next step in life.
The most pervasive and insidious judgement comes with the ticking of the biological clock. As women reach their 30s, they are bombarded with questions and judgements about their fertility as if their sole purpose in life is to bear children. It’s hard not to feel the pressure and anxiety, even when you’re fighting against these stereotypes.
Once past the age of fertility, the societal lens through which women are viewed becomes even more unforgiving. Those who choose not to marry or become mothers are often written off as incomplete. The relentless fixation on youth and motherhood overshadows the wisdom and experience that come with age.
And then, as women approach retirement, they are often considered senile or past their prime. The contributions, knowledge and talents they have accumulated over a lifetime are diminished by the same age-based judgements that have plagued them since birth.
As I celebrate my birthday, I hope I also learn to break free from the chains of expectations of a “woman my age” and just be myself and be free, knowing that I’m enough, just as I am.
The writer comments on social and gender topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected]).
