The danger of rushing love: A late-night hunt for online truth about suitor who asked for money

Midnight on Wednesday found me doing spy work for my friend, Anne. The previous weekend, she had told me about a guy she had recently met. At first, he was exciting but on closer look, he seemed too good to be true. She enlisted me onto her digital investigation council – to use all possible open source intelligence tools to dig up information about this guy.

“What are you most uncomfortable with?” I asked.

“He feels too clean. I do not know him that well. We have only been speaking for a few days, but he is already talking about meeting my father,” she said.

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My friend felt rushed. She had made it clear that she did not fully remember him and did not know him well, in the way he seemed to know her. Yet in under a week, he was already showing her pictures of the house they would live in and the cows he would take to her father’s compound.

“He seems to be in a rush, and in my experience, when someone moves that quickly, they may be hiding something. He needs you to act urgently, before your critical thinking is fully engaged,” I said.

We could not, however, completely discredit the man because he seemed to be in a hurry – according to our judgment. We agreed to pray about it, as we set in motion our ‘spy glasses’.

The first red flag was that the company he claimed to own did not appear in the official business register when we searched. He had even shared a certificate of registration. It seemed designed to impress.

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With a little more digging, we came across a seemingly deleted Facebook post that cast him in a bad light. That was another red flag.

It was getting rather late by this time and we both agreed to sleep and continue the search the following day. While we had not decided whether he was a good guy or a bad one, we knew for a fact that my friend needed to be cautious. Even if she did not completely write him off, what we had found pointed my friend towards caution.

Before we could fully resume our spy work the following day, Anne sent me laughing emojis with a short text that said, “This guy is a joker. He has asked me for money.”

I know that everyone sometimes goes through a tight spot that calls for financial help. However, there is a problem if you need money and the only person who can help you is the friend you met yesterday. I know we have cases where strangers step in to help – in cases of fundraisers or during tragedy.

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But if today I needed Sh5,000 and the only person I can borrow this money from is someone I met at a cocktail party last weekend, it is a call for me to take a pause and look inwards; to ask what went wrong with all the relationships I have been cultivating since I was a child.

So no, the issue is not simply that the guy asked her for money. Well, that was weird and totally off for someone who seems to be in a hurry to marry. However, the fact that he did not have anyone else to borrow this money from, apart from my friend, was totally awkward.

Anne did not send him the money. Her response to his request was that she too did not have money, and the guy became scarce after that. Even if the guy had a real emergency and needed help, I reassured my friend that she cannot be the only friend this guy has – he can borrow from someone else.

It turns out I did not need to be much of a spy after all. The truth has a way of revealing itself—especially when you are paying attention. I truly applaud my friend for trusting her instincts. If you read this article, consider it your sign not to downplay any red flags. It is also a reminder not to rush into anything – relationships, business, investments … take time to adequately understand what you are getting into.

The writer is the Research & Impact Editor, NMG ([email protected]).