What running at my daughter’s school taught me about winning
Parents compete in a race during a school's sports day.
What you need to know:
- Our parents were always the heroes in their stories, trekking to school, fighting off wild animals, before getting there, only to sit on stones and write in the soil.
- Despite this, they were the best and brightest, outshining their peers and setting themselves up for success in life.
- Failure never seemed to be an option for them, nor did they present it as an option to us.
As I stumbled along the five-kilometre track during a charity run at my daughter’s school last weekend, I felt like a sack of potatoes trying to find its legs.
Not even my daughter’s spirited cheers of “Go Mummy!” could grease my knees. Despite finishing 50th out of hundreds, I was proud of my accomplishment.
However, my daughter registered her disappointment with my dismal performance.
“I thought you would run faster because you go to the gym! Now you won’t get a medal,” she lamented when she found me minutes later seated on a bench, still trying to catch my breath.
“If everyone wins, it won’t be a competition,” I explained.
That was all the wisdom I could gather since my brain also seemed robbed of oxygen. “But I wanted a medal,” she responded, clearly unmoved.
I wasn't sure if the disappointment lay with me or with her. Just to be clear, neither of us brought home any medal, not even from the 400m fun run.
This incident reminded me of my upbringing.
Our parents were always the heroes in their stories, trekking barefoot to get to school, fighting off wild animals standing between them and school, before getting there, only to sit on stones and write in the soil.
Despite this, they were the best and brightest, outshining their peers and setting themselves up for success in life.
Also read: Afraid to fail? Then wait longer for success
Failure never seemed to be an option for them, nor did they present it as an option to us. No wonder we grew up with such an unhealthy relationship with it.
As a child, failure, especially in exams, crushed me. Teachers and parents also latched on the opportunity to remind us of the repercussions of failure.
I unconsciously transferred the same attitude towards failure to my daughter.
I see it in how her eyes linger over the “X” marks on her Maths homework and how brightly her eyes shine when she aces her exams.
My attitude towards failure will probably always be the difference between my daughter's healthy relationship with it or not.
I struggle with the thought that accepting failure is accepting mediocrity.
Striking a healthy balance between success and failure feels like a lifelong endeavour, especially as life presents challenges tougher than a 5km run under the scorching Nairobi sun.
The most crucial lesson I can impart to my daughter, aside from acknowledging failure as a reality in life, is the importance of finishing what she starts.
That finishing counts for much more than winning.
Meanwhile, my article, “Journalists and mental health: Behind the headlines is a battle you may never see”, elicited moving feedback from journalists last week.
Thank you to everyone who reached out. Your feedback was a powerful reminder about the value of sharing our stories.
The writer comments on social and gender topics (@FaithOneya; [email protected]).
