Father in the Name of Jesus, we come before you today, grateful for giving Kenyans the wisdom to vote for the Hustler government to carry the cross of taking Kenya back to Christ. Last year, had the devil succeeded in his evil plans, fuel and food subsidies would still have been in place and this would have encouraged Kenyans to be lazy, contrary to your teachings.
We have chosen to give thanks to you today, because we don’t take it for granted that you’ve sent us to State House to cleanse it of evildoers, and use it as a holy sanctuary for MPs who want a taste of milk and honey which you promised us on the day of resurrection.
Because of your everlasting love for your children in Kenya, we have since converted State House to a pilgrimage site, where members of the clergy and the general public looking to speak directly to God can converge and take photos with some of your prophets. Our competitors who don’t believe in God may not manage to speak to you directly, but that’s why we have allowed their MPs to pick up construction materials for their lower abdomen, in line with the bottom-up culinary model.
We also want to place in your hands our security officers parachuting into the troubled North Rift region to go greet bandits and ask them how they are doing. We pray that they remember your advice in Romans 12:7, and not to repay evil with evil.
When you created all of us in your own image, you gave us the divine authority to bring out the best in our national diversity. Those bandits we are going to kill are also our sons who should have been in our military, but instead of tapping into their talents we have chosen to kill them and their talents together.
Killing talents is not a new phenomenon in Kenya, but we are comforted knowing that bandits who will die in the operation will join other sons and daughters of Kenya who killed political talents before. Where two or more talent killers are gathered , you assured us that you are in their midst.
Sixty years since we started rotating our own rulers, Kenya is still facing the same three things President Jomo Kenyatta rallied us to fight together. While ignorance and disease can find salvation after a period of prolonged fasting, poverty, we are told, is man-made.
Oh Lord, we come before you today to have mercy on more than five million starving Kenyans eating wild berries for breakfast and cooking waterlogged stones for lunch. We pray that if you have to send them food, don’t give them to our government officials because it might be diverted for sale and the few who shall receive it might not have money to pay for transport back home.
Much has been said by those who don’t believe in your existence about how we love God so much we have put Him at the centre of our leadership. You are the only one who knows the humiliation you saved us from those days when Kinoti used to send the DCI to pick us up from our bedrooms at ungodly hours.
Had you not covered us under your wings, we would not be sending our officers to check on Dr Fred Matiang’i and inquire why he’s yet to come to State House for his anointing oil. As an SDA elder and a venerable statesman, the Hustler government prays that you help the Kenya Police to protect him from those intending to break into his home and steal CCTV cameras.
