The hustler government wishes to inform all Kenyans that we’ve been made aware of a letter written to the occupant at State House Nairobi, asking him why he’s yet to issue an official statement condemning the current rise in the killing of young women in Kenya, and whether there is need for hustlers to come to his gate to check on him if he’s well.
Ideally, we wouldn’t have taken this issue seriously, had it not been for the notification we received that there is a planned protest about this matter coming soon, and they may end up at places that constitutionally are protected areas, and we wouldn’t want to send anti-riot police to shoot live bullets at the women in the procession as we did with those who were wearing sufurias on their heads last year.
Indeed, we’re all in agreement that the president is the father of the nation, and his silence at the death of his girls should attract a natural response at the very least, to show that he indeed cares for vulnerable hustlers, even though much of his latest policy actions demonstrate that he doesn’t.
However, what those asking for the mouth of our beloved president don’t know is that, the president is not the father of the nation alone – he has other pressing responsibilities outside of his fatherly scope and those roles include babysitting international lenders who have been scaring him with bad things if he doesn’t give them what they want.
Human rights groups in Kenya should know that it’s not that the hustler government does not want to proclaim a policy position on femicide, it’s only that we’re currently much more concerned about issues that will help us find money for the 2027 campaigns because from the way things are going, even God might abandon us midway through this first term in office.
Speaking against the femicide pandemic does not come with a budgetary allocation much needed for us to renovate State House. Everyone in Kenya is broke to their bare bones, and the hustler government is broke even more. We will only listen to those who will call us to give us loans, even if it comes at the expense of selling our souls to the devil, because we intend to get saved later in the tail end after we have fulfilled our earthly mission. We need money, not empty words, and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) currently speaking is the only one who can make us support anything in exchange for State House renovation fund.
Therefore, hustlers asking us why we have chosen to remain quiet should ask the IMF why they’re yet to come up with a slush fund for 2027 campaigns so that we can be vocal for all the things they want us to talk about without fear.
We have also been made aware of the pin-drop silence by our favourite State House prayer warriors who have been praying for everything under the sun since we brought down the Bible at the Kasarani stadium slightly more than a year ago.
This is a final warning to all Kenyans to desist from antagonising God’s prophets in a sensitive matter like the current femicide debate, because it is common knowledge that due to the renovations currently happening at State House everyone has been asked to stay away from any controversial matter that may put them at risk of developing modern day health complications arising from inhaling fumes of fresh paint and choking on the construction dust. We need everyone alive to organise for a mass crusade when the new look State House is unveiled so that we can eat rice and beef stew as we fight hunger among government shareholders.
We would want to sincerely thank all State House intercessors for remaining offline when others are calling for their authoritative voice on this touchy issue of femicide in Kenya today.
The Constitution of Kenya gives every citizen the right to freedom of speech, which includes, but not limited to, choosing what to use public money to pray for. Anyone intending to question the commitment of State House prayer warriors in ending femicide in Kenya, should be warned that they will not choose for us which section of the Kenyan society we will choose to love, even though sometimes we forget and choose for them.
As to the female Members of Parliament (MPs) who are yet to say a word about this latest pandemic of human butchers targeting our young women, the hustler nation wishes to stand in solidarity with you at this hour of political affliction. We all know that Parliament has been captured by the Executive and you have been waiting for our beloved president to send you a script from State House for you to run with, especially after the latest threats that have been issued to the Judiciary to either toe our line or be banned from receiving government largesse.
Economics experts have constantly reminded us that the rule of thumb for those operating in the financial markets is that you cannot lend what you don’t have, and this maxim holds true even in femicide advocacy by our female honourable members.
Women leaders, operating under the tight grip of Executive tyranny cannot lend a voice that was muzzled long ago by our God chosen president. As such, anyone blaming women leaders for keeping quiet when their younger selves are hurting should at least show empathy with the predicament the women leaders find themselves in.
Those trying to bring women leaders down at this delicate hour of need should be advised that one day they will need the same people they’re bringing down and they would all have been bought by State House never to be heard from again.
