The hustler government wishes to inform all Kenyans that we have received complaints from a section of the general public asking why our bulldozers are only bringing down buildings in slum areas while those in posh estates living on riparian land are preparing to go to church tomorrow to praise the Lord.
Indeed, when we received this inquiry we had to check with our agents on the ground whether this issue was real, because never in our wildest dreams did we ever imagine that Kenyan hustlers would one day wake up and compare themselves with children of dynasty on anything under the sun.
The hustler government might be blamed for many things, but when it comes to giving hustlers the false sense of belief that they can be anything they want to be, no one can accuse us of reneging on our pre-election promise.
The last time a hustler who eats from the bottom of a city dustbin compared themselves with a government shareholder who drives on the wrong side of the road was during Jesus’ triumphant entry into Capernaum telling those who had gathered around him that blessed are the poor for they shall inherit the Kingdom of heaven.
While the hustler government understands that it is the teachings of the Bible that we used to milk votes from poor hustlers in Kenya in the 2022 elections, we wish to categorically state that we have since brought the Bible down just like you asked us to do, and any hustler still stuck at blackmailing us on how they helped us win elections should know that we were chosen by God.
The Bible says that whoever desires a permanent life of dignity must be ready to undergo a short period of painful trials and tribulations just like God tested Job who refused to abandon his faith for the greater good.
It, therefore, brings us immense disappointment when we see Kenyan hustlers, who are supposed to have read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, cursing the Kenya Kwanza government for putting them through a life of misery from the ongoing demolitions.
The Bible says, in the Book of Mark 10:29-31, that “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land – whatever – because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back but multiplied many times - and then the bonus of eternal life.”
The hustler government wishes to ask all Kenyans who voted for us to return Kenya back to the body of Christ, whether they gave up on the gospel and went back to sin, because it is not possible that the same Bible they gave us to preach to nonbelievers who were competing with us is now an alien book to them.
We ask these questions sincerely; increasingly concerned by the latest weeping and gnashing of teeth by those who should be defending our government from opposition attacks knowing the journey we have travelled with them together from when they had nothing to now when at least they have structures that can be demolished.
Have the hustlers who voted for us forgotten that the same God who removed them from the streets when they were homeless and gave them shelter in slums is also the same God that can return them to the streets?
Why have you suddenly become ungrateful when God has sent the government to demolish your structures so that we can pay you money to go buy a better house as we wait for the mansions that Jesus went to build for us in heaven?
O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, that you should not see the affordable housing plan in the Kenya Kwanza manifesto?
When the Kenya Kwanza team went round the country in 2022 collecting views on how best you would want us to serve you when we assume office, many of you were categorical that they do not want to live in deplorable inhuman conditions along riparian land that were prone to being washed away by floods every rainy season.
You told us that you also wanted to enjoy the life that comes with owning permanent homes in leafy suburbs where you are woken up by a choir of birds as you wait for a government vehicle to check into your drive way to drive you on the wrong side of the road to work every morning.
As you can bear witness, it has taken us less than two years to begin this process of actualizing your government shareholding dreams.
Last year, when we hired Benny Hinn to come help us pray for rain to visit us in Kenya, those who do not believe in God mocked us how we are clueless in running a country – they prophesized failure in our lives and quoted science which says that rain does not come from heaven.
We kept quiet as they laughed at us because just as God did miracles for us in the 2022 elections, so did He not only deliver the highest amount of rain the Kenya Meteorological Department has ever recorded in their recent history, but He also ensured that all hustlers who have ever prayed for an upgrade in their housing conditions had their homes swept away by floods to give the government a perfect opportunity to start the process of relocating them to the leafy suburbs.
Those hustlers who have taken us to court to stop the demolitions must understand that for you to enjoy an air-conditioned house in the leafy suburbs you must first leave your tin roof shack on the banks of Gikomba river and start living like a government shareholder who is ready to own a house in Runda in the name of the Lord.
Clinging to your shanty house – when the government is busy helping Jesus build for you affordable houses – will not only see you lose the privileges that come with an upgrade of your living condition, but will also demonstrate your commitment to abandon the hustler nation for a dry life in the opposition.
You cannot be a believer in the hustler government and take it to court; choose one struggle and let us know soon.
