Council of Governors chair Anne Waiguru.
The attention of the hustler government has been drawn to a report by the Controller of Budget accusing some 10 Governors of spending zero shillings on development and instead fulfilling the hustler nation’s agenda of putting money in the pockets of those needing public money the most.
According to the Controller of Budget, Dr Margaret Nyakang’o, the 10 counties alleged to have crossed the red line, diverted all the allocated funds to paying salaries and allowances and running operations that goes against prudent use of taxpayer’s money and for which they need to change or hustlers might not see them with fair eyes in 2027.
While depriving the public of the much-necessary development might look like a bad thing in the eyes of those keen to alleviate poverty, Governors who expanded the expenditure bracket and employed more hustlers to eat from the public purse should be celebrated for fulfilling the hustler government’s manifesto of putting your money where their mouths are.
We are particularly proud of the Chair of the Council of Governors, Anne Waiguru, for expressing solidarity with her members who were implicated in the dossier.
The mark of a good leader is to stand by your colleagues no matter the grievous harm they’ve done to their people, because they will also remember to turn the other cheek the next time you’re also accused of licking public money, and as the famous comradeship song goes, “solidarity forever, for the union makes us strong.”
In an ideal world, county governments are supposed to recognise the importance of ensuring that procurement procedures are meticulous, transparent and adhere to the law in the spirit of accountability to the people they serve. But Kenya is not an ideal world and anyone harbouring dreams of being the New Singapore is advised to wake up from slumber.
In the damning report, Dr. Nyakang’o was also concerned over some of the Governors who do not have development initiatives. Albert Einstein, the great German-born theoretical physicist, once warned the Controller of Budget that development is relative, and if she were to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree the fish would live its whole life believing it is stupid.
The COB should know that not all Governors have the same professional background. For instance, a Governor who has a degree in Finance and Planning from an Ivy League university cannot be compared with their counterpart who has a degree in Witchcraft Studies from a local institution of higher learning still waiting for accreditation from the Commission for University Education (CUE).
The former can scrutinise the counties books of accounts and allocate public funds according to priority needs after a rigorous public participation exercise, while the latter only knows how to consult coloured marbles and smoking human skulls inside a dingy room filled with acrid air.
The hustler government, therefore, wishes to remind the COB to be more considerate when it comes to exposing weak students who are struggling with their studies while on the job, because any such embarrassment in future will lead to them developing a particular dislike for national government officials.
In the same vein, we also wish to inform our competitors to cease and desist from celebrating this new revelation that is meant to destroy the existing cordial relationship between the national government and the Council of Governors.
Indeed, whether you supported us in the last elections or not, there is need for everyone to rally behind the hustler government to tax Mama Mboga and Boda Boda to death, as they are the ones who gave us the mandate to do so.
The hustler government also wishes to inform the Council of Governors that we have read the statement they put out clarifying a few issues with regards to the report by the Controller of Budget, and agree with them that there is need to look into a few things that has made the report contentious and unpalatable.
However, we wish to disagree with their assertion that it is all doom and gloom, as we have seen several affected counties resuscitating their public relations (PR) teams to mop up the reputational mess that the COB report put them through.
By providing employment opportunities for their PR teams to kick into action and earn from it, the Controller of Budget helped jobless PR experts go home for Christmas with something in their pocket.
The hustler government wishes to encourage all accountability and transparency institutions charged with watching over taxpayer’s money to continue with the Lord’s work from where the COB left it last week and expose more of these scandals going forward.
When Kenyans went to the polls in 2010 to vote for a new Constitutional order that included the trickling of resources down to newly-created devolved units, they had expected that devolution would be the most effective means of transferring resources from the centre, where all monies were dictated by the whims of one man, to the grassroots. However, as the counties inherited monies and so did everything associated with bad governance, pilferage of scarce resources and enjoyment by the few at the expense of the many.
There is good news, though. Every five years, hustlers are presented with the golden chance to elect their own thieves and enjoy public money as they wait for others to take turns at the feeding trough.
As such, the hustler nation wishes to stand in solidarity with the 10 Governors being accused of prioritising travel and allowances for members of County staff over development projects benefiting the mass public.
Indeed, the Bible says in Isaiah 40:31; “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
