I’m finishing the journey with President William Ruto

In an ideal world, President William Ruto’s government should be a lean mean team.

In reality, he’s already asking for Godly ways in which to stretch the public wage bill way past its suffering elastic limit.

The CEO of the Public Service Commission (PSC) has given Kenyans up to October 6 to give the government ideas on how to establish the offices of the Chief Administrative Secretary (CAS) without breaking the law.

Kenyans are telling him that if he wanted to bend what we already agreed on in 2010, he should just have saved us the hassle and consulted David Beckham.

Anyone who claims to love the Lord should love the law as his second nature.

Those words haven’t come from my earthly mouth, I’m quoting Romans 13:1-2 – “those who refuse to obey the law of the land are refusing to obey God”.

The verse ends with a frightening proclamation that punishment will follow them hard-heads, but I won’t write that here, for I might be accused of reminding God to discipline what He, Himself, has validated.

When Mario Cuomo, former Governor of New York, famously observed that politicians tend to “campaign in poetry, but govern in prose”, he must have been fresh from visiting the pearly lands of Kenya.

We’re barely three weeks into the wheelbarrow government and hustlers are already asking what happened to the love letters they used to receive at campaign rallies. 

God’s plan 

Relationship experts have been tempted to remind them why relationships in Kenya become gloomy immediately after the bride says ‘I do’, had they not been afraid of the punishment reserved for those who attempt to interfere with God’s plan.

There are many armchair theories about the relationship between hustlers and electoral choices that do not hold up to scrutiny.

Many analysts have claimed that hustlers vote to punish families they only see on television, hoping they’ll come down to their level for a date with a few choice words.

Given the state of professional witch-hunt in Kenya right now, it’s hard to quarrel with that analysis.

Still, voting with the heart shouldn’t be an invitation for politicians to break them.

The Public Officers Ethics Act makes misleading the public a resigning offence, but hustlers have refrained from following through because the Constitution of Kenya bestows on all Kenyans certain inalienable rights, chief among them the right to be mediocre.

That’s why when state officers demand to bleed an already bony cash cow despite promising they’d fatten it first, we don’t caution them of the fate that befell leaders in the Bible whose laboratory samples of saliva were found to have the same chemical makeup as that of hyenas.

It started with Sylvanus Osoro, the hardline blusterer representing the blue-collar seat of South Mugirango.

He loves reminding anyone that he’s a street boy emeritus.

If he’s not reminiscing on his bad old days fighting off the biting cold in Nairobi’s unforgiving alleyways, he’s politely reminding the Salaries and Remuneration Commission (SRC) that MPs have the power to be nice only to those who are nice to them.

The public wage bill is no longer a burning issue, it’s already under ash. There’s nothing to salvage in that discussion.

If the new government wants to collapse our economy by eating everything, let them do their worst. If they think they’ll be punishing the poor, they’re sorely mistaken.

Hustlers will be fine. We will refuse to die because the Bible says the good work that the Lord started in our lives will only come to an end when Christ Jesus returns.

Even if they switch off the lights on us, we’ll just revive our 22-year-old Nokia bricks to help us locate our mouths in the dark.

All hustlers are finishing the journey with Dr William Ruto and there’s nothing MPs can do about it.

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