It’s now becoming abundantly clear that Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua has irreconcilable differences with the microphone.
On a good day, he claims he’s an honest man and speaks to the nation straight from the bottom of his heart. On other days, he claims to be misquoted and wished the media looked at him with a pair of colourful eyewear.
Nairobi Governor Johnson Sakaja has no such artificial challenges. He not only excels at producing bathroom music, but his communication skills went to Lenana School and straight to Teams University where he got a certificate in managing a lot of things; including his media presence and polythene smiles.
It, therefore, came as a surprise this week, when Gachagua attempted to teach Sakaja how to pass his own exams
They wanted to ask whom – between Rigathi and Sakaja – needed extra help in settling down to work, but hustlers remembered what the Bible says about speaking to your elders the way you want, and they thanked God for the rains instead.
When hustlers went to the polls to elect their next Nairobi Governor, we knew he was going to be a young person who needed someone older to benchmark with their proposed plans.
Never in our dreams did we imagine the ballot would return us a puppet controlled by high ranking state officials. Nairobi hustlers voted against state capture only to get a new and improved version as a Christmas gift.
Anyone who wants to relocate Nairobi matatus from the Central Business District (CBD) must first pray to God for giving him life to make the application; after which they should go for a speed test to ascertain how fast they want to embarrass the national government for sleeping on the job.
Rigathi isn’t a young man. At 57 years old, he’s only three years short of the retirement age for civil servants, and he deserves to be taken slowly.
If he says he needs matatus in the CBD to help him get to work on time, surely his request should be considered on its own merit to stop overzealous governors from sprinting to the finish line with his election promises, because Nairobi hustlers are not in a hurry to go anywhere.
Young people in this country no longer respect the needs of older people who use matatus to work and they must be warned to kill the speed or else there might be accidents on the road to fulfilling election promises.
Anyone threatening to fulfil all their election pledges in under 100 days should consider our elder statesmen who can no longer run and chew gum at the same time. I am with our man Riggy G. If Sakaja wants us to believe that he’s the newest broom in town, he should go sweep back the advancing waters of Lake Victoria we see.
Thanks to Riggy G the honest man, we know that the campaign pillars in Sakaja’s manifesto never won him any votes and were just hot air on a wild goose chase.
One of them was that Nairobi was a melting pot of all ethnic communities and no single tribal grouping could win anyone a County seat. Thanks to our honest man Riggy G, we now know the real identity of the group that made Sakaja Governor. And whoever is asking why the same ethnic community couldn’t translate the same support to Bishop Margaret Wanjiru for Senate, should stop shining so bright as there is only one recognised sun, and it doesn’t oscillate in Kenya.
Hustlers in Nairobi and its environs support DP Gachagua and chaos and disorder. That’s why this festive season, we’re asking all hustlers to cut down on their alcohol consumption and return to Christ before it’s too late, unless they desire for Baby Jesus to be born in their liver.
