A thorny bed of roses: Tana River teen parents narrate misery in early, forced marriages
At the age of 14, Mariam Badesa (not her real name) was married to Hassan Bule, a 54-year-old man, as a second wife.
The colourful weddings of their peers may have given them the impression that marriage was a bed of roses, but years into the unions they were forced into, teen mothers in Tana River find a dark dome, misery and pain they wish they could walk back from.
But the chains are too strong and the mess too big to unbind themselves from and so they are left slaves to a destiny they have no clear picture of.
At the age of 14, Mariam Badesa (not her real name) was married to Hassan Bule, a 54-year-old man, as a second wife.
It was all joy at the beginning.
A colourful wedding, guests, presents, songs, food and parties marked the eventful day.
It was more than what her sister received during her wedding, married at almost the same age a year earlier.
She imagined a beautiful future, a life without struggles, just staying at home, cooking for her husband as he fed her and the children.
"I had just received my KCPE results. My parents were not stable enough to educate me through high school so they proposed marriage," she said.
Badesa relished weddings and all that came with them but did not want marriage at the time. And when it was made known to her that she would be married at an early age, she had no choice.
On the other hand, staying in the village herding goats in the wilderness stared boldly at her, exposing her to rape and thus becoming too disgraced for marriage.
"I did not have a choice. When the man who was meant to be my husband came, I saw him. He did not talk to me, he only looked at me and left to talk with the elders, including my father," she recounted.
Her mother assured her that marriage was good and she would have a lot of fun in it. But her sister warned her over the phone against the idea.
At the end of the day, Badesa's mother's assurance won.
From the narrative her mother gave her, she imagined bliss in the marriage because the man, as she was told, was wealthy.
Four years into marriage, all she has fought from the first day are storms and tides of hostility, totally different from what she looked forward to.
She is the second wife of four, with two children that she has to fend for all by herself, a struggle she never thought would come.
"My husband expected me to be like other women when he married me, but I was a child. I did not know what was expected of me as a woman. He beat me on the third day of our marriage," she recounted.
Six months after she was married and now pregnant, her husband took another wife, a teenager, two years older than her, and went missing for almost a year.
She was left at the mercy of villagers, her mother and a co-wife who was mature enough to understand her predicament.
"I was left hungry. If it were not for my co-wife, who was motherly to me, I would have starved to death because the man went on a marrying spree," she said.
She has learned that in the bed of roses, sharp thorns lie hidden, and their pricks are a pain to endure.
She wakes up to fetch food for her children as her husband has been elusive, and is only seen once every three months.
Badesa still hopes that she can grow beyond the trauma and depression.
Mwanahamisi Omar, on the other hand, has been through a similar challenge and has moved to her mother-in-law's home to survive the hardships.
"I became pregnant when I was in grade seven. My father did not want to hear any excuse. He dragged me to my boyfriend's home and left me there, and warned me never to return home unless for a short visit," she recounted.
As much as she wished to continue with her education after delivery, she had no one to run to for help.
Three years into the marriage, she has suffered domestic violence at the hands of the man who wants her gone.
She has starved alongside her two children and even contemplated suicide.
"I got to a point where I wanted to poison my children and take my life because the suffering was too much. I never imagined this is the same man who professed love to me at one time," she said amid tears.
It is a burden she wishes she can offload and bury far away from her, but every sign of hope looks bleak.
The two teenagers are just a few of the victims who were married off young and whose lives have become a puzzle too impossible to understand.
Many were married off after they became pregnant, while others were victims of rape and poverty.
Poverty and defilement are the major causes of such marriages, said Ralia Hassan, county chairperson of the Gender Technical Working Group.
"Every year, not less than 70 girls become pregnant at home, defiled. Those cases are not in our courts or police records but are with organisations. Out of the 70, only about 20 go back to school to continue with learning. What happens to the remaining 50 girls you already can tell," she said.
Ms Hassan notes that hundreds others get married after grade eight and others while in high school, and the end result is always misery and more poverty.
A 2020 Unicef report said poverty is the main driver for child marriages in Kenya.
Norms and stereotypes around gender roles and marriage age, as well as the socio-economic risk of pregnancy outside marriage, also uphold the practice, the report said.
At least four percent of girls are married at the adolescent stage, the reports said, and are likely to be victims of domestic violence.
The report recommends joint efforts to empower adolescent girls in unions and those at risk of marriage with life skills training, comprehensive sexuality education and continuing education.
