How elderly couples can handle getting divorced

Divorce is a difficult process for anyone, but it can be especially challenging for the elderly.

Divorcing couples in their late 50s, 60s or 70s may be dealing with decades of emotional and financial baggage that has been stacking up over time.

Adjusting to life after letting go of someone that you have been with for decades is probably the hardest part.

At this age, there are also lots of things you should consider when going through this complicated process compared to couples in their 30s.

The process of getting divorced

The process is different for the elderly because they have special considerations to make that younger couples do not.

How will the divorce affect the retirement plan, health cover, children and grandchildren, among others.

If you were investing together, there will also be more financial entanglements to be sorted. It gets even more complicated if some of the investments involved the children.

For these reasons, divorces in old age have to be handled with sobriety and reason to make sure they go smoothly.

Both of you should get experienced lawyers that can help conduct the process smoothly without minimal risk of future conflicts.

Managing your children's reaction

It is not uncommon for someone in their 50s, 60s or 70s to have grown-up children.

The process of getting divorced may be hard on them and it's important you prepare the child for this change which will happen regardless of what decision they make.

Making arrangements with your kids before starting proceedings can help a lot.

Hear their opinion on the divorce and make it clear to them why it's the right move for everyone. Let them also know that their ideas on post-divorce life are welcome.

This may not work in every case, but it's one way that helps make things easier when going through this process.

Ultimately, the best thing you can do for your children is handle the separation as amicably as possible. Don't throw unnecessary jabs at each other.

Handling finances during and post-divorce

Finances are a thorny issue in any divorce proceedings irrespective of the age of the partners getting separated.

Money problems could even be the cause of the divorce, as has happened in many marriages.

The issue of finances must therefore be handled carefully and soberly, starting with legal fees. Then you can proceed to who gets what assets.

It's a good idea to make sure you keep all financial documents up-to-date when going through this process so it doesn't become difficult later on, especially if you are still in contact with your ex-partner.

As the divorce becomes a reality, it's important to think about future expenses and income from now on if you will be living alone or as one of three people.

Get advice before finalising any changes so that there is no financial risk involved and suddenly find yourself without money even for essential expenses.

In your 50s or 60s, you can't afford to make financial mistakes. There is no time to recover.

Dealing with the emotional hurt

There are no words to describe the emotional hurt of divorce for any person, let alone when you're in your 50s or 60s.

It can be especially tough if you are not the one that initiated the divorce. Worse still, the emotional turmoil may stir other underlying emotions that you had been bottled over time.

It's important not to deal with all these feelings on your own so that you don't end up hurting the people that are still in your life, especially the children.

The pain can also cause you to view life obliquely and lose sense of direction. If you notice that your behaviour has changed significantly, e.g. taking more risks and being more impulsive, you've not fully processed the pain fully.

Take control of your emotions so that you don't wreck yourself. If your efforts are unsuccessful, talk to someone close or get therapy.

When do you date again?

Dating again following a divorce can be tricky. If you're in your 50s or 60s, it's more difficult than when you were younger because there are fewer available partners to choose from.

The divorce could also have generated a sense of pessimism and cynicism that will affect how you relate with your potential new partner.

That's why you need to heal first. A healthy state of mind will allow you to value your new relationship, partner and yourself too.

If you don't value yourself, you risk picking someone that's not right for yourself just because you feel lonely.

Hope for the best, cope if the worst happens

Everybody starts marriage with the hope of building together and enjoying old age together. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't work out that way.

If you separate in your 50s or over, let your maturity be evident in how you and your partner handle the process.

Your children are watching and also there is no time to drag the process in court. Retirement is just around the corner.

Accept the misfortune, dust yourself up, and start building a new life for yourself and those still in your life.