If you are planning a memorable first kiss, start here

When Google released the list of the most searched questions by Kenyans over the last fifteen years, few would have expected romance to dominate. The search results which were released in August 2021 showed that Kenyans online want to know ‘How to make love’ and ‘How to kiss’. This is not so farfetched. If you are going for a first date and there is a high chance of a kiss, you want it to be memorable.

The first step

Before you go for a first kiss, you need to have gotten physical to some extent. This includes holding hands or touching. According to psychologist Dr. Chris Hart, this is how you will know that something is going on between the two of you. If this is your first date, taking a small walk while holding hands is one way to start getting physical.

Standard features

According to Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, a social and personality psychology researcher, a perfect kiss comprises various features, which include proper oral hygiene. “You must brush your teeth appropriately, avoid consuming smelly food and use fresh breath mints. You must smell and taste good. This also requires you to keep your lips soft and nicely lubricated,” he says.

Who initiates a kiss?

It is commonly assumed that it is the man who goes for the kiss first. However, Dr. Hart says that it is the woman who decides if there is going to be a kiss or not. This means that the man will have to observe and interpret the subtle signs correctly. “The signs you need to watch out for include soft smiles and glances, shy laughter, and fingers toying with her hair,” he says. The woman will then probably lick, bite or touch her lips, and then move closer while turning her face towards you.”

The first kiss

When you have seen the signs, you will need to reciprocate immediately or risk ruining the moment and your chance of a first kiss. “Try moving your face just a little towards hers. If she is not ready she will turn away. If she is nervous, she might back up a little, but she will still keep her face turned towards yours,” says Dr. Hart. While going through this, you will also need to listen to your senses, intuition. This is because as you draw closer and look into each other’s eyes, you will instinctively get a strong romantic feeling that will draw you together,” he says. In the moment of your first kiss, he recommends that you should allow your lips to linger a little bit.

The mechanics of the first kiss

There are some things you can do to spice up your kissing moment. Dr. Nicholson says that when you lean in for a closed-mouth kiss, you must bring on your touch as well. Gently hold your partner’s cheek. You can also softly brush their hair or embrace them but not too tightly as that can be pushy. “Don’t be too dominant. Allow your partner to partake in the kiss as well. They want to know what your style is just as much as you want to know theirs,” he says.

The mistake to avoid

The biggest mistake you can make here is to go full-blown into a French kiss. Don’t stick your tongue out or rock their teeth. “The first kiss is a major part of the woman’s decision-making. No matter how attracted she may be to you, her interest can end after that first kiss,” says Dr. Hart. He explains, the real purpose of a kiss is to check out chemicals on the lips and skin. “This helps partners know if their genes and immune system are compatible,” says Dr. Hart. This is echoed by Dr. Nicholson who recommends that you should only kiss for a few moments but leave your partner wanting more. “After kissing, don’t pull away. Continue to touch or cuddle or look into their eyes,” he says.

Acceleration

It is not impossible that your first kiss can speed up to more passionate kissing.

Kissing carries a bunch of sexual possibilities. However, it is important to draw back and let your partner take the lead so that you’re on the same page. “Kissing can accelerate to more passionate open mouth, tongue-involved kisses depending on the mood and type of relationship you have. If a kiss is followed by arousal kissing, you will need to be more assertive, while drawing back for your partner to catch up,” says Dr. Nicholson. “You must go in tandem throughout no matter the type of kissing involved.”