You are calling it quits with your best friend. Now what?
Whatever the reason for your break up, friendship breakups are real and problematic.
What you need to know:
Give yourself credit for dealing with an inconvenient situation in your life by staying positive, honest, and open about what is hurting you.
If you are honest about your feelings and treat yourself well during the process of moving on from a friendship, the resolutions will come sooner.
If you decide to confront the friend, do it in person, not over text or social media.
Friends are the family you choose for yourself. They are your friends because they make you feel good about yourself, and they always have your back. But what happens when things change? When your friend starts doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable?
Whatever the reason for your break up, friendship breakups are real and problematic. Sometimes they leave us with wounds that never fully heal.
The break-up
A friendship breakup happens when two friends decide to end a friendship. Reasons for a breakup could range from parties starting to get distant, to a matter of difference regarding what either party wants out of the relationship. Other reasons include a friend starting to behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable, or finding out that you trusted the wrong person.
Making the decision
Here are questions to think about as you consider ending a friendship: Is the issue a one-off thing? Is your friend going through tough times which could be making them behave differently?
Additionally, think about your friendship in the context of how much time, effort, and value it occupies in your life. However, if your friend has been maltreating you, then maybe it's time to remove them from your life.
Confronting your friend
If you decide to confront the friend, do it in person, not over text or social media. Be compassionate because chances are, they are feeling as bad about the situation as you are.
If forgiveness is not an option, break up with them. Without guilt, minimise contact with your ex-friend. If you have to see them, try to limit your time together.
Moving on from a friendship break-up
Stages of a friendship break up:
- Feeling abandoned
- Anger
- Guilt for being the one to end things
- Confusion over who is at fault
- Grief
- Finally, moving on
How do you cope with a friendship break-up? How can you rebuild your life after a break-up? And how do you find new friends and build healthy relationships again after having your heart broken by someone that used to be your best friend?
It is natural to feel abandoned after a friendship break-up. Do not let the other person put you in a position where you feel guilty for being upset. Remember that it is normal to experience these feelings.
Be open with yourself. Acknowledge how hard this will be both emotionally and physically but push through because there will come a time when you will not feel as much pain anymore.
Give yourself time before moving on. When you find new friends or build healthy relationships again, try not to compare them with your ex-friend. Remember that this person is no longer in the picture, and you are ready to find someone who will be the right fit for you.
Self-care
This means eating right, getting enough sleep, and talking about it. You do not have to go on social media and broadcast the news of your breakup. However, you can share with someone close to you. If you cannot be honest with your feelings, then at least let them know that something has changed.
Find something that allows you to concentrate on something else like exercise, meditation, or even cleaning your room. Make sure that this is a positive distraction and not one that puts more negative thoughts in your head.
If you are still struggling to cope, you can get support groups of people that are going through the same thing as you. This way, you will not feel alone and will have people who understand your situation, to talk to.
