Are you suffering from a relationship disorder?

I cried a bucket of tears. Between sniffles, I vowed to love the monster like a desperate girl trying to kiss a mubaba with bad breath. Since he pays her rent, and she wants to drive a small car without as much as breaking a sweat working for it, she tries harder than she would have done if she were to focus on making her own money. Anyway, despite my efforts, I scraped by with yet another D- in my final high school exams. Luckily, my strong performance in other subjects earned me a spot at the university.

You can only imagine my shock when statistics- the monster’s big brother – came knocking. Why would they force statistics into an art course? I failed the unit twice before finally hiring someone to help me cram my way through. Years later, after graduating, I enrolled in a master’s degree program in communication. I was thriving, enjoying theories of communication until statistics came knocking again. This time, no cramming could save me. I failed.

While preparing for my re-sit, my professor, noticing my apparent struggle, called me aside.

“What exactly are you struggling to understand? This is a repeat, remember?”

We went through the concepts, but instead of telling me to “shape up or ship out,” he did something different: He gave me a link to an assessment and asked to see my high school transcripts when the results came out. The following week, he sat me down.

“How did you go through all these years of education without anyone realising you have a learning disability?” I felt offended. Was he also calling me ‘slow’ in math, a dunderhead, a fool like we like to label the learners who are faithfully stuck at grade D-?

That day, I learned about dyscalculia, a learning disorder that affects a person’s ability to understand numbers and mathematical concepts. In our education system, cognitive learning difficulties like these often go unnoticed. Instead of support, children with such challenges are labelled as “lazy” or accused of having a “bad attitude.” Left to fend for themselves, they develop survival tactics like left-handers navigating a right-handed world.

This kind of ignorance is not just limited to academics. It seeps into every part of our lives, especially relationships. We enter marriage just as blindly, unaware of mental health issues, personality disorders, or even basic coping mechanisms for navigating a relationship. We do not know how to heal ourselves or recognise when a potential partner needs healing. And so, many marriages crumble, not because of a lack of love but because of sheer ignorance about human relationships and, most importantly, marriage's intricate, delicate nature.

While some people struggle to go through an insensitive education system while living with a learning disorder, some of us also have relationship disorders. For example, I have realised that I am a terrible judge of character. While some people can smell a red flag a mile away, I do not see it even when it is waved and flapping. I should outsource some of my decision-making to a committee of experts. It makes sense why, in ancient times, a panel of relatives nominated potential marriage partnerships on your behalf.

Background checks? Done. Emotional intelligence? Check. Pathological liar? Watch out. Relationship disorder is a thing, seriously and until and unless you can relearn and learn to choose better, you end up attracting the same type.

Acceptance, as I did about my dyscalculia situation, is key to navigating pitfalls. I no longer have self-stigma because I struggle to do basic mental arithmetic or help my child with their mathematics homework. “I struggle with numbers. Please go through that formula again. Or give me time to figure out how to work it through.” Seek help. You are not fit to make relationship decisions alone.