Over the weekend, a group of us were having a conversation centered on our aging parents, especially the inevitable health challenges some of them are grappling with, health challenges that had indirectly affected some among us.
Naturally, children end up taking care of their elderly parents, whether financially by paying their medical bills, paying for their assisted care, and in some cases, living with the affected parent. And even in cases where the parent is cushioned financially and can therefore pay for their medical care, the children still carry the burden of worry and apprehension.
At some point, the conversation progressed to why overall quality of life, not just the health aspect, goes a long way in prolonging their lives. Someone then recounted a story about this family from her village that came together, pooled money, bought a piece of land somewhere and built their aging mother a beautiful three-bedroom modern house.
Putting up that house was a dream come true for the four proud siblings, who had been raised single-handedly by their mum, who went through great difficulty to provide for them and educate them. One day, they would often declare over the years, they would build their mother a ‘proper’ house, a far cry from the timber and mabati t wo-room structure they grew up in. During the hot season, the heat inside was intolerable, and during the rainy season, the roof would leak, and they would take turns through the night to ensure the buckets trapping the rain water would not overflow.
The three-bedroom house Janet Nyaboke Nyakundi built for her mother in 2023, fully financed through her interior décor business.
Photo credit: Pool
When they finally built their beloved mother a house, therefore, they were filled with indescribable joy. The house was not only beautiful, it also stood on its own compound, safely behind a stone wall. Their mother would be happy here, they were sure. The housewarming was a surprise, and also the first time that their mum was seeing her new home. There were tears of joy and heartfelt stories of their humble beginnings.
Much later that day, the overfed guests left, and a few days later, the proud children eventually packed and left to continue with the business of earning a living, leaving their mum in the capable care of a live-in house help. In a matter of days, loneliness set in for the elderly woman. You see, she had lived in a small village where everyone had known everyone, the kind of setting where neighbours simply turn up at your doorstep unannounced to borrow a cup of sugar or maize flour. Life had been, and still was a struggle there, but there had been constant and familiar socialising that kept the loneliness at bay, while the lack of walls around homes meant that no one was really ever alone, since one need only have opened a door or a window to get a glimpse of their neighbour.
The house Rose Cheroigin built for her parents in Kericho County.
Photo credit: Pool
Suddenly, that vital community had, unknowingly, been yanked away from the elderly woman, who now lived alone with an unfamiliar caretaker in a beautiful but lonely house in a new location where every house was behind a wall. An elderly woman that had never been needy or demanding became all these things, and would complain or sulk when her children took too long to visit her, or when they informed her that they could not spend the night. It is only much later that these children realised their good gesture would have worked best where their mother had spent all her life, surrounded by life-long friends.
Man is not an Island, we are told. It is true, even the most introverted individuals benefit from the presence of other human beings once in a while. As you make the lives of much-loved parents more comfortable, I believe this is worth remembering.
