Dating? Have those awkward conversations now...

At the start of a relationship, there’s a lot you need to find out about each other. Starting with the simple facts about your work and backgrounds. But soon you’ll need to explore awkward topics like your intentions towards each other and your attitudes to topics like money and children.

Far too many couples are afraid to have those conversations early on, leading to a lot of disappointment and wasted time, so be sure you know what you want from a potential partner before you even head out on your first date. And have those big unromantic discussions soon. Because it’s all too easy to imagine that you’re aligned on key issues when you’re in love. But you may not be, and then they become deal breakers down the line. While if you start talking through the crucial points at the beginning, when everything’s still a bit awkward and embarrassing, then you’ll probably communicate well throughout your relationship.

You’ll also both change as time goes by. So you’ll have new problems to deal with. Irritations will grow over the years, over issues big and small. These days you’ll probably both be run ragged by full-time jobs, heavy family responsibilities and intense social lives. You’ll feel stressed, never find enough time for one another, and will come to resent all sorts of things about your relationship.

So talk about anything that’s upsetting you because it’s always better to discuss everything, get your point across, and be heard. Many people believe there shouldn’t be conflict if you’re in love, but that’s simply not true. Resolving issues builds love and trust. It’s when you don’t talk and resolve matters that the resentments build and relationships grow fragile. So that growing apart is one of the commonest reason for divorce.

You need to learn how to talk with your partner so that problems get resolved. You also need to know that they’ll come to you if they’re unhappy. Because most relationship breakdowns follow a slow decline of communication. And sex. It’s rarely mentioned in divorce petitions, but what most couples say is that the physical relationship had ended long before they realised the marriage was over.

Remember that difficult times are normal. Relationship issues are more common when your children are small, for example, or when approaching retirement. And so if you find yourself thinking about divorce at such a moment, trying couple’s counselling is a good idea. Because, except where there’s abuse, working to salvage a relationship is usually a better way forward for both of you than ending it.

If your relationship must end, try to be graceful to one another, and never play things out on social media. Your children will be able to find all those unkind remarks online in the future. And you’re stronger than you think, so you will bounce back after a divorce because facing up to the issues will make you more resilient than you were before.