All through their lives, men are reluctant to talk about their problems, For example difficulties they’re having at school, home or at work.
This comes about because men are in constant competition with one another. They start scrapping as boys, and their later puberty, shorter lives, greater size and upper body strength have all evolved because men physically fight one another.
Men compete with one another because women choose only the highest status males to father their children. They’re even willing to share the best men, which means that many men fail to find a partner at all, and so far more men than women die childless.
So right from the beginning of their schooldays, males learn to keep their thoughts to themselves because any boy who admits to a weakness will get a rough time from the other boys. Conversations between adult men also always have an edge to them, as they battle for status, dominance and independence. And those battles can turn violent, especially between young men. Really violent, so that across all cultures, far more men die at the hands of other men than women at the hands of other women.
And so men are always careful about what they say to others. Because any weakness they reveal may be used against them! They’re not only careful what they say to other men, they’re also reluctant to admit any weaknesses to women. Including their wives.
By contrast, women are far more co-operative and supportive, and much more likely to talk to their family or close friends, and to ask for help. There are also far more organisations set up to help women, and so a man will worry privately about a health issue, where a woman will simply go to see a doctor!
Men also get much more stressed in their everyday lives, leaving them less headroom to deal with an issue before they explode into anger. And they try to solve their issues without asking for help, which may not be possible because they lack the resources, knowledge or experience.
All this silence deeply frustrates their wives, family and workmates, who have no idea what’s going on! And who can’t understand their behaviour or persuade them to talk.
For a start, he should marry! And consciously aim to be close to his wife. Because a man will do far better in life if he’s completely open and honest with his wife, and they work together as a team. He should also be less competitive with at least some of the men in his life, for example his male friends at church. And he should ask his wife and family for support, and get professional help earlier if he has health issues.
It also helps for men to become more aware of their emotions and their triggers. And for them to save for the future, and exercise more.
