Recently, Bro Msoh, an elder childhood friend, shared how he was having issues with his family, and he wanted to get as far away from them as possible. Way back when in the ‘hood, we referred to any elder male - who, though, was not old enough to be our parent - as Bro Msoh; which means, Big Bro. “I want to break free,” Bro Msoh said, adding that the family relationship and dynamics made him feel like a slave.
I thought that was strange, as I knew him to be the most loving brother one could ever have. Since I knew him, Bro Msoh was always going out of his way to help his folks, even if it meant him having to go without some things. “Bro, you can't cut off your family just because of disagreements,” I argued. “Small bro, there's a difference between disagreements and dysfunction,” he explained, “and knowing which is which will determine how you relate with folks.”
In our conversation, Bro Msoh took me through a real relationship course in a matter of minutes and made me reevaluate how I will relate with others in a mutually healthy manner. Dysfunction kills you “If things are done or words are said, which cause you to have suicidal thoughts, then you're in a dysfunctional relationship,” Bro Msoh said. I got it.
Relationships have healthy and, sometimes, heated disagreements. That's normal. However, I should draw a line in the sand if, after I've interacted with folks, taking my life or harming myself enters the equation. “Words and deeds can be bullets or balm,” Bro Msoh explained, “they can either harm or heal.” Dysfunction kills peace “Always protect your peace at all costs,” Bro Msoh put me in the know, adding that every time he has issues with his folks, he becomes stricken with strife.
Dysfunction always brings strife, from within and without. On the other hand, the worst thing a family disagreement should cause is stress. But this, too, should not drive one to the edge. “I'll not let folks drive me to the edge,” Bro Msoh stated. “Once you lose your peace, you are walking on the edge of a sharp knife; one wrong move, and you're done for.
Dysfunction can cause depression Bro Msoh shared with me that the issues he has with his family members led him to depression. Like most men, he didn't know it was depression until he talked to a therapist. “It was my therapist who made me realise that dysfunction is toxic and, if left unchecked, it can cause mental health issues,” Bro Msoh explained.
“Disagreements are a part and parcel of life and, if handled well, are supposed to make relationships thrive.“ Dysfunction chokes self-worth Bro Msoh told me how his folks always tell him that he won't amount to anything. This always happens when he stands his ground. Until he decided that enough was enough, he was the most black-taxed man in Kenya.
Bro Msoh is the only person in his family who's held on to a steady job, and has several side hustles, yet his folks made him feel like he was the lout-in-chief. “They made me feel like a loser, just because I said I wouldn't be used anymore,” Bro Msoh said. “They almost choked my selfworth, but, thank God, I found help in the nick of time.” Bro Msoh’s family is playing the victim card, while they villainised him.
“My folks keep insisting that disagreements shouldn't drive a wedge between us,” Bro Msoh said. “They don't even call them disagreements. They call them ‘small things’. But it's not a small thing if it's killing you or driving you insane.”
