What to do when your child is in a suicidal crisis
World Health Organisation data states that suicide is a leading cause of death among Kenyans aged 15 to 29.
To his family in Nairobi’s Umoja estate, Mark was a bright, promising second-year student at a local university—a beacon of their hopes. He was a dedicated member of his church's drama club, often captivating congregations with performances that masked a pain no one saw.
His mother, Ms Leah Atieno, remembers the last time she saw her son alive.
“He said he was tired and went to his room,” she recalls, her voice heavy with a grief now compounded by a haunting question: “What did we miss?”
Later that day, they found him. He had locked his bedroom door and taken his own life.
Elsewhere, Mary Wamuyu, a middle-aged journalist from Nairobi, was left speechless when her 11-year-old Grade Six daughter, Angel, made a chilling ultimatum: “I will kill myself if you take me to boarding.”
At Angel’s school, all Grade Seven students are expected to board as a rule. But after this stark confession, Mary will have to transfer her daughter to another school with a day option next year.
“I was so shocked, and the message sank deep. Since boarding is mandatory and with her deadly warning, I will have to transfer her to a new school.”
The stories of Mark and Angel represent every parent’s deepest fear, a path no family expects to walk, yet one that demands courage, compassion, and clarity to navigate.
World Health Organisation data states that suicide is a leading cause of death among Kenyans aged 15 to 29.
Indeed, when a child ends their life, a torrent of guilt floods the minds of those left behind. Parents are left grappling with agonising questions: “Did I fail this child? Did I miss their cries for help? Was there something—anything—we could have done to save them? What clues might have lingered in their social media posts, silently pleading for attention?” These relentless thoughts form the emotional whirlpool that follows when a child does the unthinkable.
The digital cry for help
Suicide is a pressing public health crisis in Kenya. According to data from the Ministry of Health, four people die by suicide in the country every day, reflecting a global toll of one life lost every 40 seconds.
World Health Organisation data states that suicide is a leading cause of death among Kenyans aged 15 to 29. Compounding this tragedy is a critical lack of access to care; an alarming 75 per cent of Kenyans cannot obtain mental health services.
Integrating these services into primary healthcare is a vital solution, projected to save 190 lives every year according to the Ministry of Health. This integration forms a key action area of Kenya's national suicide prevention strategy, with its implementation detailed in the Kenya Mental Health Action Plan 2021-2025.
Nation Lifestyle spoke to mental health experts on how to navigate the heart-stopping moment a child says, “I want to die.”
To truly understand how to respond, it is critical to understand the context in which such profound distress occurs. Suicide is rarely the result of a single cause, but rather emerges from a blend of different factors that can overwhelm a young person's ability to cope.
Dr Linnet Ongeri, a psychiatrist and mental health researcher in Kenya, writing in The Conversation, describes suicide as a complex issue.
“It results from the interplay of various factors, including genetic, biological, psychological, socioeconomic, and cultural influences. There is a strong link between suicide and mental health disorders.”
However, Dr Ongeri notes that many suicides occur impulsively during moments of crisis or in response to significant life challenges—often involving the denial of basic human rights and access to resources.
“They could also be brought on by stressful events like loss of livelihood, academic or work-related pressures, relationship breakdowns, and other life crises,” she adds.
Dr Kabii Thuo, an author and social researcher, observes that children’s tendency to amplify life events can contribute significantly to suicidal thoughts. In their minds, stressors may feel too overwhelming to overcome, making death seem like the only escape.
This gap in perception is often where the tragedy begins. According to Dr Thuo, one common misconception is that parents may underrate a child’s feelings, especially when they believe they have provided sufficiently for material needs, not realising that emotional and psychological needs extend far beyond these provisions.
“This frustrates the child immensely, but the parent may easily brush it off as a small matter,” says Dr Thuo.
Dr Ongeri further highlights a damaging complication: stigmatising views frequently mischaracterise suicide as a sign of weakness or failure, rather than a potential consequence of profound emotional distress or mental health challenges.
“This stigma often manifests as judgment, shame, or social exclusion,” she explains, “making it difficult for people to openly discuss their struggles or seek help. This societal stigma isolates individuals, creates barriers to accessing mental health support, and ultimately compounds the risk of suicide.”
Against this troubling backdrop, what are the warning signs that parents should be aware of that may indicate a child is contemplating suicide?
Dr Thuo observes that the signs of a child’s distress are seldom as direct as a spoken cry for help. More often, they are concealed in the digital spaces.
“We need to move beyond looking for classic signs of sadness,” Dr Thuo advises. “Parents must learn to decode the digital language of distress.”
These subtle signals may include a sudden shift from sharing cheerful images to posting cryptic, bleak, or despairing quotes and memes; giving away valued virtual possessions, such as gaming skins or digital currency; extreme changes in social media behaviour—either withdrawing completely or posting excessively; or pulling back from family group chats while staying active in other online circles.
Above all, Dr Thuo emphasises that in these moments, a parent’s response must be grounded in a calm, compassionate presence. Demonstrating understanding, sympathy, and empathy is not just supportive—it can itself be a source of healing.
He offers practical, step-by-step guidance for navigating these profoundly difficult circumstances:
First, listen, don’t lecture: Create a safe space. Use phrases like, “It sounds like you’re carrying a really heavy weight. I’m here with you.” Reassuring your child of your love and support helps build trust during vulnerable moments.
Ask directly: Asking, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” does not plant the idea. It shows you’re willing to face difficult things together and can actually bring relief. World Health Organisation suicide prevention guidelines recommend asking directly.
Ensure immediate safety: If there is an immediate risk, do not leave them alone. Calmly remove any means of self-harm you are aware of.
Seek professional help for guidance and support. It’s important to have the child see a therapist who can walk with them using the right tools and skills.
“When mental health symptoms appear, parents need to understand that the issue has been incubating for some time. You can deal with the flowers and the fruits, but remember, the roots took time to grow. Success lies in addressing what’s beneath.”
For the overwhelmed parent feeling terrified, guilty, and lost, the counsellor offers a message of hope:
“Your fear is a testament to your love. Mental health challenges are complex, shaped by biology, brain chemistry, environment, and many factors beyond a parent’s control.”
In their book, The Whole-Brain Child Dr Daniel Siegel and Dr Tina Payne Bryson, reassure parents that the goal is not perfection but connection. It’s about using everyday moments to lovingly guide a child’s developing mind.
