an absent father may be physically present but emotionally and socially distant.
Teresa Watetu, a psychologist, says a present father is emotionally available. This means that he can meet the child's need for belonging, provide fatherly love, and make them feel secure.
Additionally, a present father meets physical needs, which range from touch to presence—whether through a hug, reassurance, or even a handshake.
"Then there are social needs. You see, when children say, 'This is my dad,' it fulfils a social need. The need for belonging, for identity... Having a father’s name matters because, in school, children may taunt others who lack that recognition," she says.
There is also the spiritual need. Ms Watetu explains that this involves guiding children toward a higher being. Lastly, there is the financial aspect.
"Are you providing for the family? Do the children know that they can go to their father, ask for something, and trust that he will provide for them?"
However, Ms Watetu emphasizes that the key factor in a present father is his emotional, psychological, and social involvement.
"He might not be able to provide financially as expected, but if he is emotionally available, visits regularly, and offers guidance, then he is present. We say, 'Presence over presents.'"
On the flip side, an absent father may be physically present but emotionally and socially distant.
Ms Watetu explains that some fathers, due to work commitments, are constantly absent and do not take the initiative to communicate with their families. Even when they do communicate, it is very limited. Others, despite being physically at home, remain aloof.
"There are fathers who are untouchable. In some homes, when the father comes home, the children disappear into their bedrooms or elsewhere—that is an absent father," she adds.
What about a deadbeat father? Ms Watetu explains that deadbeats are those who have completely abandoned their responsibilities.
"Deadbeats are the ones who have never wanted to be associated with their child. Some impregnate a woman and leave, so the child does not even know who their father is. Even when they make commitments to spend time with their children, they do not show up."
Additionally, deadbeat fathers have the financial means to support their families but deliberately refuse to do so.
wkanuri@ke.nationmedia.com
