Parenting in a time of TikTok

This vibrant family does not have a specific schedule for recording videos, they just use their smartphones at random to capture their best social moments. Whether at a beach unwinding as a couple or in the company of their children in their home on a Sunday afternoon, the family stays on trend by dancing to either gospel or secular tunes.

John and Sarah believe that their calling as servants of God should not limit their parenting preferences in this digital era. They say they would rather spend social time with their children than access social media behind their backs.

“In the African culture, a parent putting on swimming costumes and swimming with their children sounds bad, but we know that even if we chose not to go swimming with our children, they will still go and swim with others. We prefer swimming together as a way of bonding and they like it,” says Reverend Bigingi.

“Sometimes we all go as a family and watch our son during a football tournament and it is usually really fun. Our children are free with us and they don’t keep secrets. We are their best friends,” Mrs Bigingi says. John and Sarah have set family rules that their children are aware of.

“There is time for seriousness and jokes, and discipline is a must. Whenever they do wrong, we punish and offer guidance, but not through caning. For instance, we can keep our son off football practice for a while. Next time he will be more keen. The girls are dancers, so we sometimes keep them off dance lessons for a month,” she adds.

Caroline Mwangi is a mum to a 12-year-old daughter with whom she has a strong bond. The mother of three describes herself as an intentional mother and listens keenly to her children’s needs, including their desire for online presence.

“My daughter is getting into teenagehood and I noticed that she was having image issues. To boost her self esteem I told her, ‘Why don’t we do a TikTok and you post them?’ She agreed and the posts did very well. That has really boosted my daughter’s self-image,” Caroline says.

Caroline admits facing the challenges, but she banks on her son, who is in university and is more tech savvy, to help her monitor her younger daughter’s online activity.

“My daughter actually had her first phone when she was two years old. Monitoring her can be challenging because I am not very tech savvy.” Caroline adds.

Despite her good relationship with her daughter, Caroline still punishes her children when necessary.

“I have to draw a line so that they learn to differentiate between good and bad,” the mother of three says.

James Njung’e understands so well the adage that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. The gymnast’s day starts with an early morning jog, or cycling around the estate with his three children aged 18, 13, and four. The team then takes breakfast and gets ready for their gymnastics sessions. This is part of their lifestyle every weekend and during long school holidays.

“I have found myself spending more time with my children. My daughter has become so free with me that she invites me to her peer meetings for guidance and counselling, and that makes me a happy dad,” he says.

From the age of five, James actively participated in gymnastics, and eventually he earned a scholarship in Scandinavia. There, he observed that Scandinavian families had very healthy social lives that revolved around gymnastics. When he returned to Kenya, he continued with the tradition with his own family, and as a source of income.

“We have created a healthy culture as a family through gymnastics. I have to keep fit as a coach, so I usually go for morning runs with my children,” James shares.

His children now understand basic gymnastic skills and can teach other children under his supervision. Despite engaging in sporting activities as a family, he says he has always drawn boundaries.

“Punishing and maintaining love at the same time is not easy, but I remind them to be responsible for their actions every time,” says the father of three.

Esther Orodo is a mother of two, aged 14 and 11. Her busy career rarely allows her time to socialise, except on weekends. The mother of two reveals that she realised that her children were growing distant, so she introduced a monthly open session where the children could speak out.

“We call it a frustration day where we allow our children to talk about what has made them happy or sad, whether at home, school, or any other place. We normally prepare our favourite meals that day.

“Sometimes it’s us parents who make them upset, but because they are afraid of telling us, they remain silent. On frustration day, we allow them to say whether it is me or their dad who said or did something that either annoyed them or made them excited, or if we misunderstood them,” she says.

Although Esther’s children are allowed to take videos using smartphones, they are not allowed to post them on social media.

“I used to be active online, but I stopped sharing my children’s content because some people comment negatively,” she says.

According to the data by the Communications Authority of Kenya’s Audience Measurement and Industry Trends report, there are 15.1 million social media users in the country. Facebook is leading at 58 per cent, followed by WhatsApp at 55 per cent, TikTok at 31 per cent, YouTube at 26 per cent, Instagram at 13 per cent, and X at 12 per cent.

Security expert Edward Wanyonyi says that despite the increase in active social media users, parents must always remember that there is nothing like digital parenting.

“We have to remember that the internet never forgets, and sometimes things we do or post might come to haunt the children in future.”

He instead advises parents to minimise child exposure on digital places until they can decide whether they want their pictures to be online or not.

“Remember that the internet has even predators who can track where someone stays. We have seen children get kidnapped because their photos were all over. Even as you share fun moments, remember that the risks are very high,” he cautions.

To remain safe online, Edward says that parents and guardians need to minimise unnecessary exposure.

“Some people post pictures with too much detail so that everyone knows where your child goes for swimming, for example.”

Anthony Chebe Kang’ara, assistant registrar at Kenyatta University, says that his family has always watched movies and football from when their

He has never had to discipline his children, whom he says are well-mannered since they grew up taking up positive values during family time. According to him, children adopt values they cherish from their parents as they grow up, and it becomes part of them.

“I have never struggled to call a special family meeting because we always have shared activities. My firstborn can go even two years without annoying us yet he is now an adult. Watching movies helps us talk and enjoy each other’s company,” says Anthony.

Prof Martin Njoroge, the Dean of the School of Humanities and Social Science at United States of International University Africa, says that when parents socialise with their children, the family unit is strengthened.

However, he notes that socialising can also make it difficult to draw a boundary between the parents’ authority and affection, especially for fathers.

“It is so difficult to maintain our parental roles without creating a sense of tension or distance, especially for us fathers. African men were raised to believe that it is wrong to show emotions and affection,” Prof Njoroge says.

He advises parents to always remember that their bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit.

“For example, the attire has to be right even when parents are swimming together with their children,” He says, adding that the benefits of spending time together surpass any societal prejudices or perceptions.