They were in their early twenties when he died and left my grandmother a young widow with young children. He joined the freedom movement in the fifties. It is not clear how he died.
“I have two reports of his death. One was that he was shot, another that he died of dysentery at Manyani.”
Our grandmother recalls her husband’s friends returning, but no one wanted to tell her about what exactly became of his fate. For many years, she waited for his return.
“I had many suitors, who kept reminding me that he was now dead, and I should forget him and marry them.”
She might be fifty-plus years older than me, but at this moment, we spoke like two women, agemates, sighing, laughing, exchanging notes about marriage, motherhood, and life happening in between.
“If I had remarried, my children would never have been accepted by another man. My sons would have been squatters.”
All women in her time had to be married to enjoy protection. My grandmother was of the Greatest Generation; the people born between 1901 to 1927.
Tearing apart of families
This generation is characterised by resilience, grit, fighting back, and survival. In their world was the World War, while back home was the British colonisation, enslavement, uprooting of families from their communal lands, and tearing apart of families. Survival was all that mattered.
The wife from this generation had one clear role. Do whatever it takes to feed her offspring and keep them out of harm's way, teach them how to survive without a parent.
Children as young as six years would be left to watch over their young siblings as the parents were forcefully pushed into the British farms. The other communities were dealing with absentee fathers forcefully conscripted to fight a World War they did not invite or benefit from after its win.
The wives from the Silent Generation, born between 1928-1945 were conformists. They kept silent and encouraged their younger counterparts to observe the status quo and be nice and acquiescent.
They wrote books about what it means to be a good girl, woman, and wife. The rule book for good wives was from Isiolo to Timbuktu and back. This wife ushered in her daughters, the Baby Boomers, who, in many ways struck out half the rules of wifehood.
They rewrote their own. They joined college and wore lipstick and mini dresses and worked as teachers, secretaries, nurses, and some extra bold ones, as lawyers and bank managers. They are our mothers, who decided to take their children, both girls and boys, to school.
They believed in nurturing and building strong families. They sacrificed, put up with, and invested in making sure that their marriages remained intact. They formed chamas and women's guilds, where, like iron sharpens iron, they strengthened each other, and taught their younger counterparts about marriage. But they endured a lot because most of their husbands were not necessarily with them in this space.
Then came Generation X, made up of wives who demanded respect and love, as much as they gave. This generation was the most affected by the HIV pandemic, so polygamy and illicit affairs were not acceptable in their marriage.
Divorce and remarriage were acceptable to this generation because they learned that nobody needed to be stuck with their mistakes in life. This generation believes in second chances, be that in business, career, life, or marriage.
The Millennial wife questioned the status quo and did not accept anything that belittled a woman. They scrapped all the rules about good wives; they burnt the rule book. She went out and acquired property, in her name, headed boardroom meetings, she joined her husband in the clubs or golf field. She lived to her potential, and her biology or marital status did not limit her from achieving her potential.
The millennial wife ushered in our children, Generation Z or iGen, who eerily remind us of the Greatest Generation, as they do not take anything lying down. The GenZ as a wife is not guided by societal rules, but rather, justice and fairness in relationships.
They are not keen on marriage and do not dream of white gowns. They dream more about pets than they do about babies. Unlike other generations, the iGen wife does not believe in coyness. She goes all out. She will be an astronaut if that is what catches her fancy. Do they even wear skirts, the GenZ wives?
