Is your child joining form one? Here’s how to help them to adjust in new school

As January unfolds, new high school parents alongside their children are about to embark on a remarkable phase that marks the start of it, the beginning of an adventure filled with growth, learning, and endless possibilities.

Norman Mudibo, 45, a father of four, says that the shift starts from how you parent. He admits that yesteryears’ parenting is different to todays’ with the latter characterised by having conversations, reaching a consensus, making compromises and sometimes retreating so that both can advance.

Another thing that new high school parents need to be aware of is tests, exams and clinic days’/ performance days.

"Recently during a teacher-parent session in school, my daughter did not get the marks she had anticipated in her literature test. When we were having a chat with the teacher, she said, 'I know where I went wrong’."

Read: This school called parenting is endless

After admitting her mistake, Mr Mudibo reveals that he affirmed her and did not scold her telling her how 'useless' she was using harsh terms.

He instead told her, "I knew this is not you. I knew that there is something you did not do, not because you did not know but because you are a human being bound to error. Just steady yourself and continue with the journey."

Mr Mudibo advises that using this approach, he is confident that her daughter will not feel like she let him down and will instead be motivated to perform better in the next exam.

Dropping subjects

For Makena Maingi, 40, her daughter never loved Biology and Chemistry while in form one. However, she encouraged her to brave the year and would have the option of dropping the subjects when she got to form two.

"Surprisingly she loved and excelled in the last two terms. I am still waiting to see if she will drop them. It's important for parents to listen to their children and support them," she reveals.

Though Ms Maingi had had an earlier discussion with her daughter on the environment, subjects, peer groups, and her associations with male teachers, she did not handle being in the high school environment well at the beginning.

"She rejected the school. She told us all her friends were transferring because the work load was too much for them. She told us she felt the school did not care about her mental well-being. We knew she was dealing with culture shock so we first empathised with her new circumstances, interrogated if there were other concerning issues such as abuse, mistreatment among others."

Read: Where Nairobi parents take their children to keep them busy

"When we emphasised that if by the end of form one she still felt she needed a change, we would consider (of course we had no plans to transfer her). We allowed her the down periods, and listened but made it clear that no school has less work load. She now loves her school."

Through her experience, Ms Maingi advises parents on the importance of being attuned to their children's concerns during their high school years.

On being involved in the children's school life, Ms Maingi highlights the value of volunteering for anything that requires parental involvement in the school.

"Join the Parents Teachers Association (PTA) if you can, share your skills on career days, join the drives if there are any...do anything to get close to your child's teachers. You will always get first-hand information on how the child is performing."

However, at the heart of listening to their concerns, Ms Maingi cautions parents to be discerning. "Not all complaints from students are genuine. Be very tactful on how you respond to them. "

In an interview with Daily Nation, former Education Permanent Secretary Karega Mutahi clarified the illegality of bullying stating that under the Education Act, bullying is illegal and punishable by a given code of conduct. Where it occurs action such as suspension should be taken immediately.

Echoing this, Sammy Kaihuri, 39, advises learners joining high school to report as soon as possible any incident of bullying.

"There are many adults today dealing with trauma from high school bullying and that is why we need to take care of this young person so that in their adult life they don't suffer trauma."

Since high school gives learners autonomy over spending their pocket money, Mr Kaihuri reasons that parents should not give their children pocket money of more than Sh1,000 if the meals are catered for in school.

"There is something we have introduced in schools called save on snacks (SOS). We are not saying no to snacks but basically putting a hold on impulse buying. If I give you Sh1,000, at the end of the term show me what you did with the money. There is a girl we sponsor and every time school closes, I ask for three things. First, her Christian Union notebook, spending budget and whether she saved or not. It is agreed that if you only spent the money on snacks and luxuries, next term the money reduces and lastly, I ask for the report form," he says.

Read: Parenting burnout: It’s okay to need a break from your children

A study by Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health conducted in 2022 among 797 adolescents aged 13-19 years living in Nairobi and Coast region showed that 20.6 percent (164 students) of school-going adolescents are depressed while 19.1 percent (152 students) have anxiety.

It is for this reason that Mr Kaihuri cautions that parents should not be judgmental but instead create a safe environment for a child to share all their highs and lows.

He adds that though this generation is delicate they are the easiest to handle. They only require four things; "Affirmation, appreciation, attention, and affection from the right people. Most of them have never heard the words ‘I love you’ or ‘I'm proud of you’ from their parents.”

While sex education remains a sensitive subject in Kenya with controversy sailing around whether it is valuable or detrimental, Mr Kaihuri affirms that parents are the best people to teach on relationships and sexuality.

"Anything taught by a parent sinks in well. I was taught driving by my dad. Allow me to brag a bit, I am a very good driver. Why? Because that skill was taught to me by a person who loves me. There is a difference between being taught how to drive by the latter and some instructors. If you mess, the latter can scold you and you may be scared to do a mistake but my dad when I did a mistake he said, 'when you do this, the car reacts this way.' You see, he taught me in love."

A teacher's perspective

Ann Mburuga, a high school teacher advises parents that strictly adhering to the school' supply list promotes conformity and growth of a child holistically.

"For instance, buying uniforms from the different stores means some students will come with different colour shades, style and quality and so it will not be uniform."

If you do not want your child to go to the school the Ministry of Education picked out for them and maybe you are in the process of getting him/her to another school, Ms Mburuga advises parents not to download the offer letter.

"The moment you download that letter; it means you have accepted to go to that school. And so, the National Education Management Information System (Nemis) number of that student is now registered to that school. If you eventually get a school which you think is better than the previous one, it is a whole process to get a transfer, one that needs signatures from the sub-county director, school principal and other stakeholders."

However, in the event time runs out and you have not received the letter from your child's desired school, Ms Mburuga advises that it is better to proceed and take your child to that school where your slot is assured.

"Do not make promises to the learner that you will transfer them come a certain time when reporting. This student will not learn and their mind will be fixated on transferring."

For parents whose children will have to transverse across counties, Ms Mburuga notes that the key factors to consider before allowing them to board the vehicle is whether the school is in a safe location, the means of transport and if it has a good reputation.  "Let the child know the school is good and let them understand that it is not the school that performs but the student.  Success is personal."

In the event the child is joining school when there is a crisis at home, it is important to help the child process this.

"Let the child join when there is some sought of assurance so that they can settle mentally and not keep worrying about what is happening at home."