Let’s normalise kissing in public

Columnist

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“When is someone allowed to kiss his wife again?”
“All the time,” replied his uncle.
The little man’s eyes lit up. Then he looked at his Dad.
“But you don’t kiss Mom.”

When my brother-in-law Mugo came back from his honeymoon, my son walked up to the new bride and unabashedly asked her:
“Aunt Nimo, did Uncle Mugo kiss you? Do you now have a baby in your tummy?”
As I choked on my tea, Mugo quipped, “I hope so.” My curious little boy was not done.

My grandmother still calls her late husband Munyanya

“Did you kiss? You got married and did not kiss.”
He had watched weddings where the kissing happened once the nuptials were tied. At his uncle Mugo’s wedding, the pastor had not asked them to kiss. Our son was, therefore, quite confused about whether or not they got married. He asked me about this soon after the church ceremony was over as we headed to the reception. I assured him that Uncle Mugo was going to kiss the bride soon enough.
He is at that curious age and hence keeps asking endless questions about everything.
His questions range from the very complicated and brilliant ones to the I have– no- idea-how –to –answer-that type. The kissing question came up that way. He had asked me:
“Did Dad kiss you when you got married?”
“Of course.”
“He kissed you like this?”
He closed his eyes, pursed his lips and was moving his head side to side. I kissed him on the cheeks.
“He kissed me like that,” I told him. He looked surprised.
“Why? The pastor didn’t allow Dad to kiss you?”
“The pastor allowed…wait…why, do you ask?”
“Because you got married.”
“Yes, we got married, and we kissed.”
“And then you got a baby in your tummy?”
“Well, not right away.”
“Why?”

It was during this discussion that I had seized the moment to explain that kissing is only for married people. In my parent mind, I was laying the ground for the virtue of chastity. I know. I was overthinking. He was only five, and I had complicated a simple matter. Back to his Uncle Mugo who had to kiss his bride to confirm that indeed they were now married.
“When is someone allowed to kiss his wife again?”
“All the time,” replied his uncle.
The little man’s eyes lit up. Then he looked at his Dad.
“But you don’t kiss Mom.”
With all the eyes in the room on us, we were forced to kiss, to the delight of our children. It’s sad that our children do not see any physical affection between us, because, well, we think it is un-African. A man walks ahead of his wife, yet they have seven children. You wonder if those happened via blue tooth.
Children love to see and feel the warmth the parents have for each other. Even a simple touch on the shoulder or perhaps or hearing you tell your wife, their mother that she is beautiful. Through these small gestures, we are teaching them how to treat their spouses every day, and they should expect to be treated.
Demonstrating affection to one’s spouse is a not a foreign culture. My grandmother still calls her late husband Munyanya, an endearment meaning darling. Feel free to borrow it since after all, “bae” is tattered from overuse.
Children want to see their parents being affectionate. It makes them feel confident and safe. They know that if Mom and Dad love each other, then they love us.

Let’s normalise kissing in public

What you need to know:

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