Premium
Now that you are in the lift, can you just shut up?
And, after shutting up, would you kindly move to the back? Trust me, this is not a matatu. You will have all the time you need to step out
I bet you have met that fellow who waits for the lift for 20 minutes, then presses the 1st Floor button when the thing finally arrives.
Seriously, what’s with that? You would rather waste a precious 20 minutes just to be cramped in a badly ventilated box for 30 seconds? Stop it, please. If you are not going to the 5th Floor and above, kindly take the stairs. Good for your heart-rate, stairs are. Ask any doc.
Claustrophobia makes sure I am no fan of lifts, but sometimes I am faced with a choice between getting to some office on 7th Floor smelling like I have not showered for days, or using the lift and trying to dream of open and endless fields for a few minutes. Usually, I chose the latter.
But, claustrophobia aside, there are people who make the ‘lifting experience’ even more agonising:
- When the alarm bell in the lift goes off because of overloading, if you were the last person to enter, please step out. ’No need of accusingly looking at the heaviest person in the lift. They, too, have a (bigger) right to the lift.
- God forgive the nuts who let off stinkers in the lift. Please refrain, you could hold it for a few minutes or, if your tummy is really bad, take the stairs, at least there is circulating air.
- When you summon a lift and it stops, why ask whether it is going up or down? Did you forget which button you pressed? Or are you just trying to make a fool of yourself?
- Finish your phone conversation before getting in a lift. Besides the fact that you will obviously keep repeating ‘Sorry! Sorry! Hebu rudia. Network ni mbaya’, you are imposing your conversation onto us. We don’t need to hear what you are up to.
- What about those people who find you waiting for the lift, having already pressed the summon button, then decide (I assume) that you did not press it properly — even though the light is on — and proceed to press it again? And again? And again? Guys, pressing the button repeatedly is very village.
- If you are the first one to enter the lift, move to the back and let everyone in. The lift is not a matatu, so nobody will rush you to get off. Whichever floor your destination is, people will make way for you. Stop crowding the entrance. Or, if you do not like being at the back, wait to board last.
- Let those in the lift alight first before boarding. Once again, the box is not a matatu. There is no rush. And, in case you didn’t know, the contraptions come equipped with sensors and will only shut when activity at the door stops. Of course if the sensors are out of order (like they usually are), you can always use brute force to stop the door.
- Then there are the shameless fellows who ignore queues and walk right to the front. Uncouth is what you are.
