Parents should focus on creating a home environment that feels safe, predictable, and nurturing for children.
When schools close for the long holidays, many families breathe a sigh of relief. The morning rush eases and children play freely, laughter echoing through neighbourhoods. Yet for some parents, these long weeks are not just a time of rest, but a period of heightened vigilance.
With children spending more time at home, sharing rooms, attending sleepovers, and spending unsupervised hours on their phones and screens, or outdoors interacting with their peers, families are worried about the dangers that lurk in the shadows. Three months ago, during the August school holidays, Jane W (not her real name) faced every parent’s worst nightmare.
“It was on a Sunday. I got home around 5pm and wanted to send my son to fetch water, but he wasn’t there. As it grew darker, I started to panic. It wasn’t like him to stay out late.”
She searched around the neighbourhood, knocking on doors, asking neighbours if they had seen him. No one had. Then, around 9.30 pm, there was a knock at her door. Her son stood there, crying.
“He could barely walk,” she says. “Then he told me what had happened. Two of his football teammates had assaulted him sexually.”
Jane rushed him to the local dispensary, where he was examined and treated. But the physical wounds healed faster than the emotional ones.
“He’s been unwell for three months now. He even missed his end-of-year exams,” she says softly. “I don’t know if he’ll go to Form Four next year, or have to repeat. I haven’t slept well since that day. I keep wondering what kind of future he’ll have.”
Prolonged screen time, unmonitored internet access can desensitise children or make them targets for online predators.
The matter is now with the police. But as she waits for justice, Jane has learned a hard truth shared by many parents in similar situations: silence and shame often surround such cases, and they can be as damaging as the abuse itself.
Physical abuse
During school holidays, reported cases of sexual and physical abuse often rise, though many more go unreported. Long stretches of unstructured time can expose children to risky situations, especially in homes where boundaries, supervision, or communication are weak.
Dr Kabii Thuo, a sociologist, says cultural norms in Kenya and many African societies continue to make open discussions about sex, abuse, and consent nearly impossible. “Sex has long been treated as sacred and taboo, even in healthy contexts,” he explains. “When it turns abusive, families feel an even stronger need to hide it. The instinct is to protect the family name, not the victim.”
In many households, a rigid hierarchy where elders’ authority goes unquestioned allows abuse to thrive in silence.
“The social cost of exposing sexual abuse is too high for many families,” says Dr Thuo. “They tell themselves that speaking up will only cause more pain.”
Annita Musyoki, a clinical psychologist and digital mental health consultant, says sexual abuse rarely happens in isolation. It is usually a symptom of deeper family dysfunction.
Children playing outdoors.
“Abuse flourishes in environments where communication is poor, where substance abuse or domestic violence exists, or where children are emotionally neglected,” she says. “When respect for authority is absolute, children often lack the confidence to speak up.”
Safety and trust
In many Kenyan homes, secrecy is mistaken for discipline. When the abuser is a relative, parent, or sibling, the betrayal runs even deeper.
“We call it betrayal trauma,” Ms Musyoki explains. “The person who was supposed to protect the child becomes the one who hurts them. It shatters the child’s entire sense of safety and trust in the world.”
For parents and guardians, detecting abuse can be difficult as children rarely disclose it immediately due to fear, guilt, or confusion.
However, Dr Thuo notes that behavioural and emotional changes can be telling signs. “Sexually abused children often withdraw. They stop enjoying activities they used to love. They might become anxious, fearful, or unusually quiet,” he says.
Physical symptoms can also emerge.
“Girls may suffer recurrent infections like urinary tract infections,” Dr Thuo says. “Boys may appear restless, lacking confidence or motivation.”
Other red flags include sudden changes in academic performance, aggression, or unexplained gifts and money, often given by abusers to buy silence.
“Abusers use tokenism to secure loyalty and secrecy,” he says. “A parent should always be curious about sudden gifts or new behaviour.”
Target for online abuse
Prolonged screen time, unmonitored internet access, and exposure to sexually explicit content such as pornography can desensitise children or make them targets for online predators.
Ms Musyoki notes that children are now more likely to encounter grooming online than in physical spaces. “It often starts innocently, a friendly message, a compliment, a promise of friendship,” she says. “But it can quickly escalate to manipulation, threats, or coercion.”
She advises parents to keep communication channels open rather than enforcing blanket restrictions.
“Banning screens completely isn’t practical. Instead, parents should talk to their children about online safety, set clear boundaries, and make sure they understand what consent and exploitation look like.”
The fear of stigma often keeps survivors and their families from seeking justice. Reporting an assault can expose the child to public scrutiny and retraumatisation, while the family risks being ostracised.
“In our communities, there’s a belief that keeping quiet is the dignified thing to do,” says Dr Thuo. “But silence protects the perpetrator, not the victim.”
Kenya’s Sexual Offences Act of 2006 defines and criminalises acts of sexual violence, including incest, with penalties ranging from 10 years to life imprisonment. While its language is gendered, referring to “female persons,” its protections apply to all children. Other sections address the defilement of boys and girls alike.
Ms Musyoki says that the first and most important thing to do when a child discloses abuse is to believe the child.
“Many survivors say the greatest pain came when adults didn’t believe them. So, stay calm, ensure the child’s immediate safety, and gently reassure them that they are not to blame.”
Healing, she explains, happens in stages.
“First comes stabilisation, making the child feel safe again. Then processing, helping them work through the trauma and its meaning. Finally, reintegration, rebuilding trust, relationships, and identity.”
There’s no timeline for recovery. “Some children begin to heal in months,” she says. “For others, it takes years. What matters most is consistent support. Don’t confront the suspected perpetrator directly, as that can endanger the child or destroy evidence. Avoid pressuring the child for details. The next step is to report the case to the nearest police station or Child Protection Unit and seek medical care at a government or approved hospital where a P3 form can be issued.”
Ms Musyoki explains how families can support the child while managing their own shock, guilt, or grief over the incident.
“The best way they can support the child is by being present and patient. Attending family therapy sessions can help everyone process their emotions. It’s okay for caregivers to seek their own counselling, too; they need healing as well.”
She stresses that parents should avoid blaming the child or themselves. Instead, focus on creating a home environment that feels safe, predictable, and nurturing. “Remember, children heal best when they see that the adults around them are stable and caring.”
