For a long time, suicide and self-harm have been taboo conversations reserved for adulthood, spoken about in hushed tones, often after tragedy strikes. Children, it has been assumed, are too young to carry such heavy thoughts. But that assumption is no longer tenable.
Lyn Wacu advises parents to create an environment that encourages children to share their struggles without fear.
Photo credit: Francis Nderitu | Nation Media Group
According to counselling psychologist Lynn Wacu, who works primarily with children and adolescents, suicidal ideation is not only present among young people—it is emerging as a pressing public health concern.
“Suicidal ideation refers to thoughts about death or ending one’s life, and it exists on a spectrum,” Wacu explains. “There are passive thoughts, like wishing not to wake up, and then there are active thoughts, where there is intention, planning, even saying, ‘This is how I’m going to do it.’”
To understand why children and teenagers are particularly vulnerable, Wacu points to how the brain develops. Adolescence, she explains, is not just a social transition; it is a neurological one.
“In teenage-hood, there are two parts of the brain that are constantly developing,” she says. “There’s the limbic system, which is responsible for emotions, and then there’s the pre-frontal cortex, which handles reasoning, judgment and morality.”
The imbalance is critical. “The limbic system develops very rapidly during teenage-hood,” She notes, “but the pre-frontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until around 25 years old.” The result is a mind flooded with intense emotions, but still learning how to regulate them. “So you can imagine, somebody’s emotions are rapidly growing, but their ability to reason through consequences is still developing.”
This neurological reality shapes how adolescents interpret pain, rejection, failure and loss. Without the tools to process emotional distress, many young people turn toward harmful coping mechanisms.
One of the most misunderstood aspects of adolescent distress is self-harm. Wacu draws an important distinction. “There are kids who do self-harm, but they don’t want to die,” she explains. “They just don’t want to deal with emotional pain.” For some, self-harm becomes a way to externalise internal turmoil, a temporary release when feelings feel unbearable. But for others, it sits closer to suicidal ideation. “There are also those who are self-harming with the intent of suicidal ideation,” she adds.
“Understanding that difference matters, because it shapes how parents, teachers and caregivers respond. Panic without understanding can shut down conversation; silence can allow danger to grow.”
Many parents would ask, are there known triggers? While there is no single cause of suicidal thoughts, Wacu identifies a cluster of triggers that frequently push children toward harm.
Transitions are a major one. “School transitions, home transitions, parents divorcing or separating, the death of someone close. These are big emotional disruptions,” she says.
Substance abuse also plays a role. “As a teenager, it’s hard to know what is ‘too much’,” she explains. “Substances affect judgment and emotional regulation.”
Some triggers are quieter and less visible but equally a cause for alarm. Undiagnosed depression and anxiety top that list according to Wacu. “If a child becomes withdrawn, less active, stops communicating, just wants to sit alone, those can be signs,” she says.
Trauma, whether from domestic violence, displacement or loss, compounds the risk. So do gender-based pressures, particularly for girls. “Girls face a lot of pressure—how you look, what people say about you,” she says. “That pressure can weigh heavily.”
When environment normalises harm
Beyond triggers, there exist enablers, that is, conditions that make self-harm or suicidal ideation more likely to occur.
“If a child grows up in a family where emotions are never talked about, where people say things like ‘I just want to end my life’ during arguments, that becomes learnt behaviour,” she explains. Peer environments can also normalise harm. “In some schools, self-harm becomes almost accepted,” says she. “If others are doing it, a child thinks, ‘I might as well try.’”
Wacu says that many children have learned self-harm by observing peers at in schools. “It can be a way of trying to numb their emotional and psychological pains by invoking physical pain. It becomes the only way they know how to express emotional pain.”
Technology further complicates matters. While not inherently harmful, unsupervised access to the internet can expose children to dangerous narratives. “Teenagers are using generative AI like ChatGPT as their therapist,” she observes. “They’re watching shows and movies that portray suicide, but without the right information or context.”
Additionally, curiosity, which is a natural part of adolescence, can become risky when it isn’t guided. “If they don’t have a secure emotional attachment at home, they don’t come back to ask questions,” she says.
Wacu says that suicidal ideation often announces itself quietly, but with a lot of clarity. “Listen for hopeless language. Statements like ‘Nobody likes me,’ ‘I’ll never succeed,’ ‘You’d be better off without me.’” Parents must keenly observe behavioural changes because they matter too: withdrawal, giving away possessions, declining academic performance, risky behaviour, changes in sleep or eating patterns, and self-harm. “One of the most concerning signs,” she adds, “is sudden calm after distress. That can mean a child has made a decision.”
When a child is in danger, Wacu advocates for immediate action. “Remove them from the situation immediately. Take away anything they could use to harm themselves and seek help.” Hospitals, counsellors and psychiatrists are appropriate first points of contact. Hotlines can provide immediate guidance. Organisations like the Kenya Red Cross have a mental health hotline (1190) where qualified personnel can help caregivers and first responders navigate the situation.
What happens when a child confides in an adult and begs for secrecy? “Safety comes first,” Wacu says firmly. “Confidentiality has limits. If a child is a risk to themselves, it has to be broken.”
Ultimately, Wacu believes the most powerful intervention is education. “For teenagers, what works is psycho-education,” she says. “When they have information, they make better decisions. We have to normalise these conversations,” she says. “Not through fear, but through understanding. Because when children understand their minds, they are far less likely to hurt themselves in silence.”
Primecare Counselling and Training Institute child psychologist William Mwangi during the interview at his office in Nairobi on January 8, 2026.
Photo credit: Lucy Wanjiru | Nation Media Group
William Mwangi is a counselling psychologist at Prime Care Counselling and Training Institute who specialises in children and adolescents, trauma and addiction counselling.
“When a child expresses suicidal thoughts or engages in self-harm, the moment can feel paralysing for parents. Fear, shame, panic, and confusion often take over, sometimes silencing the very conversations that could save a life. These struggles are not isolated incidents, but a growing national concern that demands openness, education, and emotionally safe family environments.”
Mwangi has handled many cases in his daily practice. “Sometimes you even find multiple siblings in the same family going through suicidal ideation or self-harm, and they are not able to speak out or seek help.”
When a child expresses suicidal thoughts, the most important first step is not to dismiss or minimise the disclosure. Mwangi stresses that parents should focus on creating a supportive and communicative environment rather than reacting with fear or punishment.
“In terms of assessing risk in families, I would recommend parents create a supportive environment where children are able to communicate and speak out when there is need,” he explains. “When they have a good relationship with their parents, they know when to seek help and when not to struggle alone.”
Many parents often worry that talking openly about suicide will escalate fear. In reality, Mwangi notes, silence is the greater risk. “The biggest challenge is where children feel there is no family support and no channel of communication in that household. That is when you find them remaining quiet, isolating themselves, and looking for harmful alternatives.”
Risk assessment does not require interrogation or alarmist reactions. Instead, Mwangi emphasizes awareness, presence, and relationship. “If parents are not able to assess and intervene, children isolate themselves,” he says. “And through isolation, that is where you find them seeking help outside—sometimes in unsafe ways.”
When children struggle with suicidal ideation or self-harm, therapy plays a critical role. Mwangi explains that treatment focuses on understanding thought patterns, motivation, and purpose. “One approach we use is cognitive behavioural therapy,” he says. “We confront and challenge negative automatic thoughts.” Another is motivational interviewing. “Here, we create goals towards change. We encourage the person and drive them toward behavioural change.”
Like Wacu, Mwangi also highlights psycho-education. “We help the child understand the purpose of life. We ask, ‘What do you want your life to be?’ These three approaches work very well together.”
Parents and caregivers are central to a child’s recovery, but support must be intentional and informed. “The first and biggest role parents play is support,” observes Mwangi. “That includes social support, financial support—because therapy needs transport, sessions, bills and psychological and emotional support.”
However, he warns against support that feels controlling or punitive. “Some parents act like high wardens. They want the child to change their behaviour through punishment. We recommend support that is centred towards recovery. Parents should follow counsellors’ recommendations, not their own reactions.”
“Schools should incorporate psychosocial support programs,” Mwangi says. “This includes professional counselling, mental health talks by psychologists, group therapy, and debriefing sessions—especially after incidents like bullying or violence.”
Peer environments can normalise harm in children.
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Teacher training is also critical. “When teachers understand learner psychology, they are able to identify at-risk students and refer them—not counsel them—but refer them to professionals.” He adds that schools should also engage parents. “Mental health talks for guardians help parents understand their own children better.”
Helping children manage overwhelming emotions reduces reliance on harmful coping mechanisms. “The first coping skill is gratitude,” Mwangi explains. “Teach children to identify things they are grateful for.” He also recommends journalling. “They can write what they encountered that day and what they appreciate.” Social connection is equally important. “Encourage drama, dancing, drawing, movies—anything that takes them out of isolation.” Physical movement matters too. “Swimming, cycling, football, taking walks, gym—even if it’s just home exercise.”
For children heavily attached to phones, he suggests mindful tech use. “Controlled use of technology helps reduce cyber stress and exposure.”
Stigma remains one of the greatest barriers to early intervention. “Most counselling sessions are initiated by schools or caregivers only after behaviour escalates,” Mwangi notes. He challenges the idea that distress is “just adolescence.” “Anxiety and depression often start in teenage years. It starts with self-esteem.”
He warns parents about emotional harm. “If you are abusive, if you keep telling a child negative things, you will crush their self-esteem. That can lead to depression and anxiety later in life.”
What about parents who are afraid of “saying the wrong thing,” that may trigger ideation or self-harm? “Silence is where risk grows,” he says. “But when a child knows there is support, communication, and understanding, healing becomes possible.”
