My husband of 14 years has a girlfriend. He says he wants a divorce, but has not filed the paperwork. As we speak, he has left me and our children to be with his younger girlfriend. Everyone is saying he is in mid-life crisis, but I beg to differ. He has left the country to be with her. I am still in prayer, waiting patiently for God to tell me my next move.
So you're waiting on God to tell you between what and what? In the face of such blatant disrespect and rejection, what other direction do you seek? So, in your mind, there's a possibility for God telling you to stay on? Stay where?
If you're coming from that notion of God hating divorce, divorce from what? Do you still have a marriage to talk about? A man already chose another woman and left to be with her. What other marriage are you praying about? Don't let your spirituality make you stupid. This business is already finished.
You're waiting for a man to file for divorce and release you, yet he already went and is enjoying his life. There's no more closure needed here. That disrespect was the closure you needed. Him walking away was enough communication. Him beginning to cheat was all the red flag you needed.
You may be thinking, 'But I have children, and I don't want them to grow without their dad.' The dad himself doesn't care that much. At least not for the marriage. What will you do? Teach your children denial and living in delusions? Your children are getting more scarred by watching you waste away in stress as you hold on to someone who doesn't care.
You might also be one of those people whose worst fear in life is raising children as a single parent. To this, I say that love and marriage are risky because they involve partnership with another person who has an independent mind. They can change on you even when you're innocent. The right vow to make in life is touching on those things that you can control.
You can vow to always be mentally healthy and happy. You can vow to always be the best parent you can be and to always stand with your children. These are things you can do with or without someone else. Concerning this man's departure, I suggest you explain the truth to the children. Let them know that their father has opted out of your marriage with him. But they should be free to interact with him as their father if he's cooperative.
He's no longer your husband, but he will forever remain their father. This doesn't mean that he must be their influencer. They can choose a better life that's different from him. They can learn from your marriage to him and decide to do better in their own lives. You should also file for the divorce quickly to both set yourself free from him and demonstrate self-respect to your children.
They can see you're being victimised and degraded. They can see the toll it's taking on you, and you can't act helpless when such delicate minds are watching. You don't want them to acquire learned helplessness from you. You don't want them to pity you so much that they suffer vicarious depression or emotional trauma on your behalf.
You don't want your children fearing marriage and hating men to an extent that they behave confused and conflicted about love in the future. You don't want your daughters feeling trapped to be women, and your sons wishing to get revenge on their father on your behalf. Another reason to cut that umbilical cord from the man is to stay away from his karma. If you stay legally married and he screws up his life, you'll find yourself becoming his nurse and rehabilitator.
What if you were not prepared mentally, financially, and even socially? Nobody is ever prepared for divorce. Not when you were committed and faithful in your marriage. Yet this is the way of life. Bad things do happen to good people. Unfair things are visited upon innocent people. We're living in that kind of planet. Your solution should not be denial and escapism as many women have done. Some have waited for the return of their runaway husbands for decades.
You should accept and adapt as quickly as possible. Sometimes, the right thing to do is also the hardest. This is such a time for you. Work with a psychologist and outsource any professional help you may need. Juggle between job and therapy. Combine the divorce process with building the foundation for your next life. In the end, know that sometimes when people walk away from you, they're giving you the chance to start better and stronger without them.
Look at the whole thing positively, and you'll see how many possibilities now lie before you but were not available before. Now, you can restart your life very differently, both socially and career-wise. Now you can go another direction and even settle in another city. Now you can choose whether to be remarried or to remain single.
How do you answer those telling you about the midlife crisis? They can make excuses for a grownup all they wish, but you know the truth. He simply chose that life. Anyone can experience emotional stress, but if they choose to walk out on you because of it, that's their choice. And now it's your turn to make your own choice.
