Children exposed to varying nanny values and energies can absorb negative behaviours and conflicting attitudes.
For most families, nannies are essential to balancing the demands of parenthood and their day-to-day lives. While some are lucky to build lasting relationships with their caregivers, others face the exhausting reality of constant turnover.
This year, countless mothers have found themselves multitasking more than ever, raising children, managing households, and adapting to the challenges of finding and keeping reliable nannies.
Even celebrities like Milly Chebby and comedian Oga Obinna haven’t been spared the struggle of getting good house-helps.
In January, Obinna lamented changing five nannies in two months. According to him, they did not know how to cook.
"They all say we can cook and bake and blah blah blah...ikifika jikoni mwingine anakoroga samaki (One of them mashed up fish when making dinner," Obinna said.
This year alone, Milly, a mother of one, hired 25 nannies.
Their experience highlights a reality many families can relate to: the pursuit of support that aligns with their values and standards while ensuring their children are safe and happy.
Milly first talked about her experience with having 24 nannies in October but by the end of November, she told Nation Lifestyle that the number had risen to 25. She says many people are shocked by her experience with nannies.
Milly Chebby, a mother of one has hired 25 nannies this year.
But for Milly, it is a reality shaped by high standards, a busy lifestyle, and the quest for a perfect fit for her family.
“I know 25 nannies sounds insane. But the truth is, I am very particular about how I want things done in my home and for my daughter," she said.
"After having a good nanny for a long time, transitioning to someone new can be tricky. You get used to perfection or a certain rhythm, and when that is disrupted, it feels like starting over every time."
Milly’s stories about her former nannies range from shocking to deeply emotional.
"There was one who was constantly on her phone. She even wore sunglasses indoors. I caught her sitting in the play area while my child was dangerously close to falling off the slide," she recounts.
"Then there was another who fainted on the job one night. I had to step in. By morning, I knew she had to go."
Milly shares yet another incident that stands out vividly.
"There was one who hit my daughter. I was out of the country in South Africa, and when I found out, I cancelled the trip and flew back immediately. That was an instant deal breaker. My child's safety comes first, no compromises."
The frequent changes have taken a toll on her emotionally and practically. "It is draining," Milly admits.
"Each time someone leaves; you have to start the entire on boarding process. I have learned to detach emotionally, which has made it easier for me to let go when things are not working out."
Milly has also grown used to people judging her.
"Oh, the trolls!" she exclaims.
"People on social media love to say, ‘You must be the problem.’ But honestly, until you have children and a household to run, you cannot understand how hard it is to find someone who fits your standards. I have stopped being a people-pleaser. I do what works for me and my family."
For Milly, the issue is not just about a nanny’s skills; it is also about their attitude and willingness to learn.
"I have realised that experience does not always equal competency. Some people with years of experience come in thinking they know everything, and that is a red flag for me. I would rather work with someone fresh but willing to learn."
She adds that age is not a factor for her anymore.
"I used to think older nannies were better. Now, my best hires are between 26 and 30 years old. They are energetic and can keep up with my child. That is what matters to me now."
Milly prefers not to discuss salaries publicly, emphasising the importance of privacy in such matters.
"People tend to exploit information about salaries. Once, a celebrity revealed she paid her nanny Sh100k and suddenly everyone expected the same. I keep that information private to protect both myself and my employees."
After going through so many nannies, Milly says she has learned valuable lessons about managing expectations.
"Lower your expectations,” she advises new parents looking to hire their first nanny.
" You will find someone who meets your standards eventually. And if you notice red flags, don’t be afraid to let them go. It is better to start over than to compromise."
She has also learned the importance of setting clear boundaries.
"If you are a micromanager, you will burn out. Communicate your expectations clearly, and trust your nanny to handle things. If they cannot, then they are not the right fit."
Despite the struggles, Milly says she has found the right one.
"I think I have finally found someone good,” she says, referring to her latest hire.
"There is one for my child who has been with us since April, and Milla loves her. Now I have gotten another one to do the cleaning. I hope she stays, but if not, I am ready for whatever comes next."
For Ivy Muthoni, the story is different. She is a mother of one and has had the same nanny for eight years. She says their relationship was built on trust, patience, and mutual respect.
Ivy Muthoni, a mother of one has had the same nanny for 8 years now.
Ivy shared how she navigates the challenges of working closely with a nanny, emphasising her unique approach to conflict resolution and the lessons learned over the years.
"I do not address issues immediately when I am mad,” Ivy explains.
"Instead, I take time to calm down, sometimes even crying to let my emotions out. Once I have processed everything, that is when we have the conversation."
This method has worked wonders for Ivy and her nanny.
"When I cry, she knows something is wrong. It gives us time to reflect before discussing the issue, ensuring our conversations are constructive rather than reactive."
The relationship has not always been smooth sailing.
Ivy recounts the early days when misunderstandings would occur frequently.
"At the beginning, we both made mistakes, but we learned from each other. I had to teach her how I wanted things done while also understanding her view. It was a process of mutual growth."
Ivy admits that she used to get angry and go silent for long periods when things were not done right.
However, over time, she realised the importance of communication.
"Now, we address issues promptly and move on."
Her nanny’s consistency and understanding have been invaluable, especially in creating a structured routine for Ivy’s 10-year-old son.
"She knows exactly what my son needs at any given time, whether it is a snack after school, help with homework, or time to play. She has become an integral part of our lives."
Ivy attributes the longevity of their relationship to treating her nanny as part of the family.
"We take her on trips with us. She is included in the budget and everything. It is not just about the work; it is about showing her that she matters."
Her nanny also has Sundays off, though Ivy notes that sometimes she chooses to stay home instead.
"She is incredibly dedicated, but I always ensure she has time to rest and see her children when schools close. She is a mother of two and is one year older than I."
Over the years, Ivy says she has learned valuable lessons about maintaining a harmonious relationship with a nanny.
"Patience is key. You have to take the time to understand them as individuals. If they feel respected and valued, they will stay. And trust is everything. You cannot lock up your room while expecting them to care for your most precious possession, your child. I find that very weird because it shows some trust issues."
When asked about salary, Ivy shares that it has increased steadily over the years.
"It is only fair to reward someone who has been with you for so long. I think that is also another reason she has continued to live with us.”
Reflecting on their journey, Ivy expresses gratitude for finding someone who has become more than an employee.
"I did not know her before hiring her. It was a referral from my mother, and it just worked out. I got her in Nairobi and despite some fears most women have about nannies from Nairobi, ours has been a great experience. Eight years later, she is like family. People say it is rare to find someone you can trust completely, but I have been lucky."
No reason for quitting
Catherine Wamuyu, a resident in Zimmerman says she has had nine different nannies in 2024.
"One left while I was away for my grandmother's burial. Luckily, I was with my children. I saw her text saying she had left immediately after viewing the body of my grandmother. I did not know how to handle the situation."
The mother of two says they were on good terms when she left the house but until today, she has never understood why she left.
"I think she did not want to face me but I let go. I have brought four after her. They all leave for different reasons. One said she wanted two off days but I could not offer that because of my tight schedule," she said.
Grace Makhisa, a businesswoman, has had three nannies in 2024.
Grace Makhisa, a businesswoman and mother of two has had three nannies this year.
Her first nanny, a 29-year-old mother of two, joined in January but left after two months.
"One day, she just said she was leaving. It was six in the morning, and she had already booked her ticket without telling me. I had to call the office to take an off to take care of my child."
The second nanny, a younger woman, left without notice to get married. "I thought younger girls were more determined to make money," Grace says.
"I sent her to the shop, but she did not come back. Later, her friends told me she had already moved her clothes and gotten married."
Now, Grace has hired a 40-year-old nanny whose husband is deceased. "She is mature, good with the children, and very reliable," she says.
Reflecting on her experiences, Grace emphasises the importance of patience.
"I have learned to be patient and understanding with nannies. You have to control your temper. The 23-year-old I had was very hot-tempered, which made things difficult. Older nannies are more settled and focused on their job."
Grace also ensures her current nanny gets an off day every Sunday.
Expert’s take
Wanjiru Mbogori, a child, adolescent, and addiction therapist explains the lasting effects of frequently changing nannies on children.
According to her, a stable caregiver is critical during a child’s formative years as it establishes the foundation for trust and healthy development.
She says frequent caregiver changes can disrupt this foundation, leading to attachment issues.
"Securely attached children, who experience consistent care, tend to grow up feeling protected and are more likely to develop healthily.
In contrast, insecure-avoidant or what we call insecure-ambivalent children may struggle with trust, detachment, and emotional instability due to inconsistent care," she said.
Wanjiru also notes that children exposed to varying nanny values and energies can absorb negative behaviours and conflicting attitudes.
"These disruptions can result in mental health challenges, leaving children unsure of whom to trust."
"Over time, some may develop self-reliance in emotional matters, struggling with vulnerability and forming lasting relationships in adulthood. They don’t trust anyone and some could be affected even when dating."
To mitigate these effects, she advises parents to spend time orienting new nannies and setting clear expectations.
"Give children time to adjust to a new caregiver under your watchful guidance as this will foster a sense of security and stability."
"When hiring a new nanny, mothers should always lower their expectations. Some of the nannies may view the job as a temporary means to achieve personal goals, not a lifelong passion," she said.
Before leaving the nanny with the children, Wanjiru says it is advisable to allow at least a week for the nanny to adjust.
"During this time, offer guidance without being overly strict or critical. Maintain parental authority and observe the nanny’s reaction to the child. Treat the relationship as a partnership to foster mutual respect and trust."
