Like a relationship breakup, there are often stages that you go through when losing a close friend.
True, deep, and meaningful friendships are gifts. When I started to cultivate deep and meaningful friendships I realised that it took time, energy, understanding, and a lot of trust to create a deep friendship.
This was not just about 'hooking' up with peeps for convenience, dependence, or somewhere to run to. The possibility of unfiltered friendships can take decades to build, nourish and nurture. These are the most treasured and precious relationships as we choose and are chosen for who we are as individuals.
The foundation is trust, care, value, integrity, and respect. How many true ones do you have in your life?
Our friends can be the people that keep us afloat. They can be our entire world; they are people that help you stay on your feet even when you feel like you are collapsing. They would never hesitate acting like maniacs with you in front of random strangers, showering your life with the most absurd yet forever cherished memories.
When you are with the right people, all of this is gift-wrapped and handed to you on a silver platter. Having your perfect friend group makes you feel at home, a safe haven where you can always be yourself.
A lot of things to do with heartbreak, both on social media and in TV shows and movies, gear toward the good old-fashioned relationship. While often heartbreak is about in relation to a breakup between two people, and the difficulties it follows to get over someone, little is spoken about how a friend can break your heart too.
Universally, it is well-known that friends argue and fall out, and, sometimes, they never recover from that. It can be just as hard losing a friend as it is losing a significant other.
Platonic breakup starts from anger to pretending you do not need them, to grief. Then the next stage occurs usually after everything has settled. You have got new friends now, but it still stings walking past them and having to act like you are strangers.
You still remember when their birthday is, what their favorite song is, their likes and dislikes. But you have managed to push all this information to the back of your mind, to a place where it does not hurt you.
Then you start to think that maybe you are better off as strangers than you were anything else. Maybe you were meant to fall out so that you could find and build a better friendship. Then comes the final stage, acceptance.
I went through all these stages a few years ago when my best friend and I fell out. We never recovered from the argument we had nor have we spoken since then. Not only did it hurt as we had shared so much, but it was like a constant burning in my chest.
And then, I found new people and built new friendships who took my hand and guided me through the platonic breakup.
If you are going through a platonic breakup, it is okay. Go through the motions as though you have just broken up with a partner, it is valid. You do not have to just ‘get over it’ quickly, nor do you have to forget it once it’s all over and you have finished grieving them.
You are and have been going through a trauma, and it is only natural to react like you have lost someone. A lot of the time, you don’t just lose the person, you lose yourself, too.
You will get better, just know that you will come back from this. I know it really does not seem like it now, but you will. You are more resilient than you credit yourself for. It can be truly hard losing a friend, but, just like a breakup, it will get to a point where you move on.
