I am being selfish for not wanting to intervene in my best friend’s relationship drama?

I’m a 29-year-old single woman, and I’ve been close friends with Alex (not his real name) for five years. Recently, Alex started dating a woman he’s completely smitten with, but they’ve been having issues. He asked me to intervene and help smooth things over because he thinks I “understand her better as a fellow woman.” At first, I tried offering him advice, but now he wants me to talk to her directly and “explain his intentions.” I feel like it’s not my place to get involved that deeply in their relationship. It’s also a bit awkward since I’ve always been the one he confides in, and I worry about crossing boundaries.
Alex says I’m being selfish for not helping him, and now our friendship feels strained. Am I the bad person here for stepping back? How do I handle this?

READER’S ADVICE

You might desire to be your brother's keeper. But in this circumstance and by your narrative, it is possible that you are being taken advantage of. Set boundaries over this, as you are likely to lose yourself as a go-between and gain emotional baggage, especially if the relationship between your two friends fails to work out. Keep off.
Drive Counseling Centre - Nakuru

I understand your fears in engaging in your best friend's love affair. Many have been left to blame when things fall apart. However, this does not dismiss the fact that you can help your friend. You can still do it but with a lot of caution. I suggest that you help where you can.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Senior Pastor in Mitume P.A.G Church, Kitale

Alex is serious about 'A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed.' Now that he's in need, he expects you to prove yourself a true friend. Denying him a shoulder to lean on can kill his trust in you as a true and long-term friend. Though you do not feel comfortable about the way he wants you to handle the matter, ignoring the whole issue is a betrayal of your friendship, which should continue as before.
Effort Sam - Mks; Teacher, Author and Preacher

Stay out of it if you value your friendship. If he wants her back, let him figure it out on his own. Don’t let him pull you into the middle. You do not owe him an explanation. If he comes to you for any specific advice, you can give it to him, as you already did. If a man’s ego is not hurt and a woman’s emotions are taken care of, the relationship can last for ages.
Fred Lastborn Jausenge - UAE 🇦🇪

EXPERT’S ADVICE

As much as he wants you to assist him, you are accurate in stating that it is not your place to get involved. His logic that you are in a better position as a woman does not fly because you are not the one trying to date the woman, nor will you always be present to resolve their future disagreements. It is unfortunate that he has put you in this position.

It is a red flag in itself that he cannot speak for himself regarding his intentions. It is impractical for him to use you in this manner. If he cannot explain himself to her, he should not be dating her. Sit him down and tell him that he is straining your friendship and that he should be man enough to talk to her without your intervention. The fact that he needs to outsource help might be one of the reasons they are having issues. It is normally unattractive when a man cannot speak his mind when pursuing a woman.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I’m a 29-year-old woman, and my partner, 33, and I have been in a secret relationship for five years due to strict work policies that could have cost us our jobs. We avoided PDA, social media posts, and told only family and trusted friends. Now, I’m planning to quit my job in a few months, and we can finally go public! But how do I share this with the friends and coworkers who assumed I was single? I feel bad for hiding it and don’t want anyone to feel betrayed. How should I handle this without making it a bigger deal than it needs to be?

Are you facing a dilemma? To get help or give advice, write to [email protected]