I let a good man go, how do I get him back?

I was in a relationship with someone in 2019. I did him wrong, and we ended the relationship by just ghosting each other. I was ignoring him for no reason until he got fed up and left. Years later, I still can't find someone to have a relationship with that's as promising as the one I had with him. I've been living with a guilty conscience, and I'm not happy with myself. I got a chance to reconnect with him, and I apologised to him. He said he had forgiven me. The thing is, I want him. I believe we are meant for each other. I'm now 34.

That brother has since moved on. It's been five years. You're probably the only person still stuck in that situation. He could already be married by now.

The only thing you can do about this situation is to learn your lessons and get better for your next attempt at dating.

Given the seasons of your life, I think you're moving too slowly. You shouldn't be in the same place someone left you five years ago.

I suggest you make it your custom to visit counsellors and coaches to process such events whenever they happen in your life so that you can move past them.

Psychological wounds are real things, and time alone doesn't heal them. It just makes them fester and simmer underneath.

An unhealed emotional wound can make your life hang in time. Decades will pass, and you'll be telling the same sad story.

If I were you, I would urgently enrol myself for therapy and life coaching to jump-start my life.

Before I go, let me give you five dating rules that gentlemen operate with so that you handle your next prospect better.

First, gentlemen, don't beg. They know the value they bring, and they can never be insecure or desperate. They know they're offering you the opportunity of a lifetime to be with a caring man, a very rare commodity in the dating market today.

Those who sell gold don't beg. They simply show up and seek those who recognise their merchandise. If you don't recognise a gentleman on time and you instead start treating him like a common thing, he'll be gone before you blink.

This is not pride but honour.

Secondly, gentlemen only want those who want them. Mature men know the punishment of marrying a woman who is not attracted to you. You'll be reduced to begging for everything and being made to earn every token of affection from her because she's not that excited about you. That's why a gentleman takes it seriously when you treat him with ignorance and contempt.

Even if you don't want a good man, always turn him down with decency and decorum. He'll appreciate it, and you'll be surprised at how readily he accepts the message, making things easier for both of you.

Third, gentlemen have no time to waste. Dating is a time-bound project for them, and they do it with precision. A man on a mission never drags a relationship for years. Instead, he takes time to prepare and grow independently and then dates for marriage once he's ready to start a family.

Never think a gentleman will be waiting for you after you frustrate him.

You should always catch a gentleman while he's at your shop. He doesn't have time to idle around.

Fourth, gentlemen are courteous, but they also cut people off.

If you prove to be undecided or entitled, a gentleman won't send you foul paragraphs. He'll just make his decisions and move on. Before the angel intervened, Joseph of the Bible had decided to leave Mary silently over the pregnancy without exposing her to the public.

Gentlemen are decent. They find no pleasure in causing scenes and chaos over things they can't control.

Lastly, gentlemen want queenly mannerisms in their women, not queer behaviour. You can't pretend that you're not interested and then start chasing a person after they leave you alone. That's awkward and toxic. A gentleman can't trust your thinking after that.

Gentlemen are royal themselves, and they seek ladies with dignity and modesty too. This means they carry themselves with grace and poise.

If you want to win with a gentleman, practise self-respect and confidence. Learn to express yourself succinctly and clearly while remaining humble and authentic. Pretence and dishonesty are a total put-off.

You may wonder where to find these gentlemen.

Three simple steps. Package yourself like a lovely girl as opposed to just carrying the pose of a working woman or a spiritual devotee.

Next, step out into social spaces both online and offline. Capture good pictures of yourself and let them be prominent in all your online spaces so that a man glancing at your profile will be immediately captivated.

Change your wardrobe if you need to. Nourish your body and keep yourself in the best form you know. Never dress down when stepping out or into a video chat.

Lastly, attend to all attempts of connection from your social media and exchange numbers with those who ask whether you're in a mall or on the street. You'll use your discernment to know who is worth engaging and who seems sincere enough to warrant a physical date.

In short, dating is searching, and it should be proactive rather than just passive. Get up and get going.

All the best.