'My close friends make fun of me asking, ‘Today you haven't worn the 22 carats?'
The moment you say "Yes" to a proposal or "I do," you slip on a ring—a timeless symbol of love, commitment, and forever. It is more than just jewelry; it's a promise, a reminder of shared vows, and a piece of your heart worn on your hand.
But as soon as that ring graces your finger, society seems to whisper an unwritten rule: You must never take it off.
If a woman is spotted without her ring, the questions start flying. "Is there trouble in paradise?" "Did something happen?" The absence of that little band seems to signal something deeper. Yet, when a man is seen without his, it's often dismissed as forgetfulness or practicality.
We could delve into why this double standard exists, but for now, let's focus on what the ring truly means. For many women, it's far more than just a piece of metal. It's a cherished keepsake, a treasure infused with memories and meaning.
More than a sparkling accessory, it's a symbol of love, sacrifice, and shared dreams. A simple gold band or a glittering diamond, each one tells a unique story—of promises made, journeys begun, and futures built together.
It's a silent companion through life's ups and downs, holding the weight of moments big and small. Like twins, my ring and emotions are inseparably linked.
Edith Gitari says she does not wear her ring after her husband's was stolen.
I don't wear my ring after my husband's was stolen
Edith Gitari, 37, Businesswoman
In 2019, Edith Ndungu exchanged vows with her husband in a joyous ceremony at the Attorney General's office. As part of the tradition, they exchanged rings—a precious token her husband had purchased in Kuwait while working there.
Reflecting on the significance of the rings, Edith says, "The rings were important to us because we had stayed 12 years without officiating, and then boom, we did. It was a sentimental ornament."
Tragically, in 2021, her husband was involved in an accident, during which his ring was lost amid the commotion.
"The accident involving him and a boda guy attracted attention from other motorbike users. In the chaos, his phone, wallet, chain, and ring were among the things that got lost," she recalls.
Out of anger—and perhaps a little heartbreak—she decided to stop wearing hers too. Then, she felt that her husband had intentionally removed the ring.
As a result, she firmly says, "I will wear mine once my husband replaces his. To date I do not wear it every day and he is okay with it and understands why I sometimes wear it as an accessory."
Do you ever face questions about your missing wedding band? She laughs, "No. My close friends and family know why I do not wear it. In fact, they make fun asking, 'Leo hujavaa 22 carats?' (Today you haven't worn the 22 carats?)"
I look at my husband's ring and it kills me inside
Rehema Kalama, 42, pharmacist
Like Edith's situation, Rehema Kalama, 42, lost her ring after she left it on her bedside table in her bedroom. The ring which got lost last year has caused so much pain and anguish.
Having tied the knot in 2012, Rehema says her wedding band served as a symbol of my commitment to her husband as authorised by the civil law and God. It is round for a reason.
"To the world around me, the ring highlighted my social status. So, when I lost my ring, I was devastated, and depressed. It was as if I had lost a soul within me. A part of me felt naked and incomplete when walking around without it," she shares.
"I was emotionally stressed not only because of the loss but also because of what followed next... What do I tell my husband?"
While she had the conversation with her husband, Rehema says he helped her tarnish our bedroom upside down, looking for the ring.
"We reached places that had only accumulated dust for years... No luck. Finally, we gave in and he consoled me, maybe one day I will be lucky enough to get another one. That was a relief, and I began to heal from that moment."
But her culture still holds her back. As a Nigerian, Rehema shares, a ring has a special meaning for a woman. In all the ceremonies, women have to show case their attire and the ring completes this.
"So up to date, I'm constantly reminded of my lost ring whenever I go to social events, name it, weddings, funerals, birthdays, house warming parties and also work. Even the ring mark on my finger has faded away."
When asked about her ring, Rehema says she comes up with lots of excuses as opening up is another stab in her heart. "Sometimes, I look at his own and it kills me because both our rings had unique design engraved on them."
But she is hopeful that she will get another one in the near future. "I still highly respect and value the wedding ring."
My wedding band lost meaning after my divorce
Jane Wairimu, 55, Former Lecturer
Unlike Rehema, when Jane Wairimu got separated from her husband and later divorced, her ring lost its value. The once treasured piece of jewelry that she owned and adored became a reminder of the toxic relationship that her marriage was.
"After our 10th wedding anniversary, we had a small celebration where we exchanged our rings. They were gold rings that symbolised our love for each other," she says.
Some couple of years later, the relationship became very toxic, leaving her no option but to leave. "Even before making up my mind, I had stopped wearing my wedding band. The fact that it bore his name and the pain he caused me, from infidelity to gender-based violence, pushed me over the edge," she shares.
With the divorce solidifying the end of their marriage, Jane says that she managed to take both rings and her children would wear them as accessories.
"My eldest daughter really loved accessorising her outfits with the rings and she could wear one of them on her middle fingers. I did not oppose because the emotional attachment I had with the rings was a thing of the past."
However, the rings were lost, and to this day, Jane says it might have been a case of good riddance. "Maybe the universe conspired in my favour. But sometimes I wonder, if I still had them, would I have taken them back and recreated something else? Maybe as a symbol of strength and resilience, despite it all."
Peris Wanjiku, says she and her husband do not wear their wedding bands but it was not out of choice.
We both do not wear our rings and it is not out of choice
Peris Wanjiku, 41, Church Administrator
For Peris Wanjiku, 41, her wedding ring symbolises that she is no longer single but married and when she looks at it, she often remembers her spouse.
Though their rings had no unique design, Peris says that their pastor insisted on them being round in shape to signify that their love should never end.
However, her husband's ring got lost around April 2020 when he got mugged. "When he called me with another person's phone and informed me what had happened. I was scared first for his safety and then wondered about getting a replacement," she says.
This concern was also shared among their close friends and family members who also quipped on when they would get another ring. "We did not file for a police report because the robbery happened on the highway and since he was not hurt, we decided to let it slide."
Did it affect your relationship? "Haha. No. After many years of staying together the ring is not as important now. Also, I do not wear mine. I enlarged it once but it still does not fit."
For Peris and her husband, the conversation about having their rings is still on the table. She says, "We are delaying it to have a proper budget for them. I personally want more than one so we plan to get really nice ones when the time comes."
Although not having a ring does not shake their marriage foundation, Peris shares that it amazes her how much attention people pay to them, to the extent of actually removing and stealing from her husband.
"It was the first ring that we both wore at our wedding; I would really have loved to have it for long to always see it and look at it but I detached almost immediately because that is not something you can recover."
Since Peris and her husband serve as pastors, she shares that sometimes them not having their rings on raises eyebrows from their congregants, especially when holding forums for speaking to couples.
"We see the eyes of 'Where are your rings guys?' And there are times we have to officiate a wedding and have to have our rings on. Those times I really feel sad and wish we both had our rings on but over time I have learnt to separate the emotions."
