A question posed by Alfred when he came to the Sexology Clinic set my head spinning. At the age of 62, he had the money, a wife and a girlfriend. However, his erections were failing.
“How can I maintain good sexual function for many years?” He asked, “I have spent my life working hard and I thought that by now I would settle down and enjoy life only for my erections to fail.”
In his understanding of things, there was no enjoyment of life if sex was not in the equation.
“My friend, good food is important, same to friends and music, but nothing matches a satisfying sexual experience,” he said and burst out laughing, “that is why I have a young girlfriend besides my wife, I need the energy and the vigour to maximise pleasure.”
His wife was 58 years old. Seemingly, he was being unfaithful to her. Infidelity is common in our communities for various reasons, but that is a story for another day.
So back to the question: how does one prolong their sexual lives so that they remain active well into old age? I have met men and women in their 80s and 90s still enjoying sex, and there are several lessons we can learn from them. I summarise those lessons into four.
First is that you should have quality sleep. If you spend more than six hours on the very minimum having continuous undisturbed sleep, then you are on a path to a long sex life. If you can increase the hours to seven or even eight the better.
Sleep is like servicing a car after a long journey. You need to replace dirty oil, top up fuel, put enough coolant and ensure the tires have the right pressure for the car to continue functioning. The human body wears out when one is awake, both physiologically, psychologically and emotionally. It is only good sleep that clears impurities and replenishes hormones and other chemicals so that you continue functioning. Chronic sleep deprivation is a sure way of reducing your sexually active years.
Then there is what I call self care: the attention you give to your body. Think of the food you eat, is it healthy enough to add years to your life? Mediterranean diets are considered the best in sustaining good sexual functioning. Characteristically, Mediterranean diets consist of whole grains, fish, nuts, fruits, vegetables and legumes. Many people eat such foods when they do not have money. The moment they get financially stable they move to processed foods. Processed and junk foods are damaging to your body and limit the years you can be sexual.
Self-care also means maintaining the right body weight. Obesity is your enemy number one if you want to continue being sexual. Other than the type of food that you eat, exercise is important in maintaining a good weight. A sedentary lifestyle leading to obesity kills your sex life years before it endangers your whole life.
Self-care also includes several lifestyle issues, among them alcoholism, cigarette smoking, work-related burnout, and toxic relationships among others. Are you able to avoid these?
Well, nobody has ever died because they avoided alcohol and cigarettes, in fact, the reverse is true. What may be difficult to deal with is work-related burnout. In this era of scarcity of jobs, many people are enduring toxic workplaces. If you have options, you are better off quitting.
Toxic relationships remain another hard nut to crack. Many people postpone their lives, hoping that the relationship will improve. The best way is to seek therapy and counseling and decide in good time whether the relationship adds or takes away years into your life. The hope is that things work out. Sometimes things turn out differently, however and ending the relationship is the healthier thing to do. Irrespective of the eventuality, timely decision-making prolongs your sex life and your life in general.
Other than good sleep and self-care, you need to love yourself if you must continue being sexual. You are aware of the adage that we must love others as we love ourselves, meaning that the ability to radiate love starts with self-love. Do some self-pampering. Take time to groom, dress well, and smell good. Self-love boosts your confidence and ego. Sexual prowess is really an expression of self-confidence and ego. Unfortunately, many aging people abandon self-love and as such, nobody wants to love them because they are no longer lovable.
The fourth and final thing is the status of your sex partner. You can pay all the attention to your body, emotions, and spirit and feel good and sexual, but if your partner is not similarly doing the same, sex becomes impossible. As you sleep well, eat well, exercise, and love yourself you must support your partner to do the same.
Just like Alfred, some people have secret sex partners in a bid to sustain their sex lives. While they may get the sex they want, complications can arise in the long run. Nobody wants to remain a secret provider of sex; they either walk away, leaving you heartbroken at some point or they demand their rightful place as your partner. Both scenarios can be difficult to navigate. The easier option may be to support your regular partner to similarly prolong their sex lives and enjoy life together well into your old age, all other relationship difficulties that people face notwithstanding.
