Are your phone calls thoughtful or intrusive?

To give credit where it is due, one of my readers urged me to write about this topic. He informed me that there are people whose phone calls he dreads because they are long-winded, yet he prefers them short and to the point.

I informed him that I wouldn’t have to think too hard because I could relate to his experience.

I have been accused, unfairly if I may add, of what one person wrongly referred to as ‘poor phone etiquette’.

You see, when I pick up my phone to call someone, I usually have a specific reason, I never call ‘just because’.

As a result, I will quickly get to the point after the barest of niceties, and once I pass on the information I want to relay, or get the information I am seeking, I will thank you and promptly hang up.

And not because I am selfish with airtime, far from it, I just find it more courteous to be brief when I give someone a call, especially if it wasn’t a scheduled call, since I have no idea what this person may be doing at that particular time.

It doesn’t matter whether this person is an acquaintance, friend or relative. My argument is that should the person I called want to engage me further after saying what I called to say, then this person will drive the conversation further, if they don’t, then that will be my cue to hang up.

The person who accused me of ‘poor phone etiquette’ had been in the same room when I called my grandmother to find out how she was fairing.

It is a phone call I have made many times before, and it usually involves me asking how she is doing health-wise, she will then ask me how my family is, and it will conclude with me telling her when I will visit her.

I don’t waste time talking about the weather and other useless forms of small talk, I dive right into the questions whose answers I genuinely want and then hang up when I get them.

My accuser listened to that conversation and thought that I was too abrupt with my grandmother, that I should have spent more time engaging her, perhaps ask what she had eaten for lunch, when she last visited a neighbour or friend, whether it was raining there, etc, etc.

Enriched our conversation

I was genuinely perplexed and wondered how knowing what my grandmother had eaten for lunch that day would have benefitted us both or enriched our conversation.

In my view, poor phone etiquette involves calling someone out of the blue and then going on to talk for a prolonged period, disregarding the fact that perhaps this person was in the middle of something important, say a work deadline, helping his or her children with homework, or simply having some quiet time.

Poor phone etiquette also involves ‘beeping’ someone, or requesting a reverse call, only to inform the person on the other end that you were calling just to say ‘hi’... the audacity. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t such phone calls for emergencies only? If there are people that deserve to be thrown in prison and the key buried deep in the wilderness, it is such people.

And how can I forget those that you call, and after relaying the intended information and are about to hang up, they decide that is the opportune moment to ask you whether you know of any job opportunities, or to inform you that a relative of theirs is admitted in hospital and there is a fundraiser, or that they have an upcoming ruracio and could you please send them “something”? Some will even start giving you uninvited gossip about mutual acquaintances you hardly remember. All on your airtime.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that there is no place for long phone calls, after all, this is how many stay in touch with loved ones who live or work abroad or in other towns and counties. In a nutshell, what I am saying is that phone calls should be thoughtful, not intrusive.

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