Boys are discouraged from showing their emotions, and no one teaches them how to give good compliments. And so girls often feel that their male friends’ admiring words just don’t ring true.
And yet complimenting is an important skill. Couples should compliment each other all the time, for example, and it definitely has to be done right with a new girlfriend.
Compliments should be specific and detailed, so just telling a girl that she’s beautiful won’t do much for you. Telling her something unique will work much better, such as admiring a piece of her jewellery. Girls are rightly skeptical of generalities, but happily accept a remark that draws attention to something specific.
For maximum impact, praise effort rather than talent, achievements, rather than appearance, and say how it affected you. So she’ll dismiss ‘Your hair is sexy,’ and respond better to something like, ‘That project of yours is brilliant, you must have really worked on it. ’
Make compliments clearly and concisely, use emotional language, and say it like you mean it. ‘You look absolutely stunning tonight!’ Because she must feel that your words are true. And she needs to see the warmth in your smile and in your eyes.
Your compliment will fall flat if she feels you have an ulterior motive. So ‘Nice shoes, wanna go round to my place now?’ will go nowhere fast. And don’t exaggerate. ‘This is the best meal I’ve ever eaten’ sounds insincere compared to ‘That was delicious!’
Don’t even think of complimenting her when she’s upset with you, because it will just make matters worse. And avoid backhanded compliments that only sound nice until their real meaning hits. ‘You’ve lost such a lot of weight!’ And watch your tone because the meaning of a sentence can really change depending on which words you emphasise.
Avoid demeaning comments, such as drawing attention to intimate body parts. And a compliment must be appropriate. Like it’s rarely acceptable for a boss or employee to compliment the other’s appearance. Your intentions will be misunderstood.
Don’t compliment everyone the same way, or word will get around and people will feel you’re faking. Especially be aware of the difference between a genuine compliment and a flirty remark, and keep them well apart! So when you’re making a compliment, wait for a response, smile sincerely, and keep a polite distance apart. While if you’re flirting, you can make more intense eye contact, smile more, move in a little closer and touch her lightly: ‘I love that scent you’re wearing (lean right in and sniff), what is it?’
Learning to compliment well doesn’t only improve your dating, it also improves you. Making you more aware of the good in others, and in yourself, and raising your self-confidence. Start practicing now, because it’s an essential dating skill. And worth its weight in gold once you’re married!
