These are worrying times, even if you’ve a good job and your life’s going well. Usually we worry about something in the future, like a deadline or a speech. Or maybe a past mistake. And mostly we can keep our worries under control. But what if they’re starting to get on top of you?
Start by recognising that there’s a difference between planning and worrying.
Making constructive plans to deal with a challenge is a great idea. But worrying isn’t usually like that. Mostly we imagine something going catastrophically wrong, and our worrying thoughts go round and round in circles and rarely ever improve matters.
You’ll worry less if you take even the smallest amount of exercise. And follow a regular routine at home. And get enough sleep. But that’s seldom enough. So is there any way to get your worries under control?
Fortunately there is. Grab some paper and a pencil, and be your own Cognitive Behavioural Therapist!
Worries usually start with some sort of ‘What if…’ thought. ‘What if I fall sick?’, ‘What if I’m made redundant?’ ,‘What if I fail?’
So identify the thought that made you start worrying. Write it down, and rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is quite mild and 10 is really scary. Write down that number.
Write down all the thoughts associated with your worry. Probably a worst-case scenario’s running like a movie in your head.
Write down everything you imagine might happen, including how you’ll feel, and what other people might say.
Now list all the evidence which supports your grim view of the future. That might sound like it’ll make things worse, but actually it will help you think about how realistic your worry is.
Now list all the evidence against your worry. Has it ever happened before? How many times? Maybe it’s only happened once? Or not at all? Have you tackled anything like this successfully in the past?
Instead of the worst-case scenario that’s running through your mind, might something positive occur instead? Has that happened to you before? And how important is it all anyway? Might your worries be out of proportion to its importance?
Now imagine a good friend telling you about exactly the same worry. Imagine reassuring your friend that most likely nothing will go wrong and anyway you’re sure they’ll cope well, even if it did?
Imagine suggesting a few practical things to do to prepare, just in case. Write it all down.
Now re-rate your worries on that same 1 to 10 scale. Chances are your score’s gone down and you feel better.
But what if that didn’t work? Don’t judge yourself. Sometimes our worries feel so real, it’s hard to think of alternatives.
Another person’s perspective will help you to sort out your thoughts better, and to start planning for a successful future.
