As human beings, we tend to show what we really feel, rather than saying it out rightly because we are reluctant to offend others
Sometime last week, I attended an event where I was exposed to two kinds of speakers: the first understood his subject matter, was eloquent, but above all, could read body language and read the mood in the room, a factor that enabled him to effectively weave his speech to hold everyone’s attention. He also knew that to make what he was saying relatable, it helped to throw in a couple of anecdotes from time to time. For the 25 minutes that he spoke, everyone in that room listened to him in rapt attention, laughing from time to time at the amusing stories, even though the matter at hand was serious.
The second speaker too understood his subject matter, having held senior roles in the sector he had worked in for many years. Unfortunately, and from the onset, his aim was to showcase his superior knowledge and grasp of the English language by using big words and phrases that only served to irritate his peers, at the same time alienating those who did not have his level of education. You could tell that he was the kind of man that tended to be in love with his own voice, and there is no worse speaker than this, because one never knows when to stop, even when it is clear that those he’s addressing are dead bored.
I looked around the room and saw people on their phones – the woman seated next to me was scrolling through this Facebook group called ‘Home Beautiful’, where members share décor and interior design tips and showcase their beautiful homes once in a while – the last few days, the Luo community has been giving members of this group from other communities heart attacks and sleepless nights after posting the eye-popping stately homes they have built in their rural areas.
And to drive the point home, alongside the mansions, they have been giving us an eyeful of their big, big fuel-guzzling machines, which must consume a swimming pool full of the same fuel that costs an arm and a leg nowadays. One even had a chopper parked on his expansive lawn. It has been quite a revelation, these past few days, so forgive me for digressing, because I am one of the many that have been having recurrent heart attacks after viewing all that opulence.
Anyway, those who weren’t on their phones were fidgeting in their seats, and others began to doze, while the brave ones walked out of the room to answer imaginary phone calls. While all this was happening, this speaker seemed unaware of the pointed message that the different forms of body language in the room were trying to pass to him – that he was not connecting with them, that his time was up. Or maybe he perceived these non-verbal messages but chose to ignore them like many ineffective speakers do.
I believe that one of the most important skills there is in life is being able to read non-verbal cues. I say this because we human beings tend to say one thing when we mean another. We mainly engage in this kind of deception because we are reluctant to offend others by saying what is really on our minds.
It is more polite to be more caged in our responses to others, and so we show what we really feel, rather than saying it out rightly. With this in mind, if you are yet to harness the skill of reading non-verbal cues, the time is now, and it starts by being attentive to your surroundings and the behaviour of those around you.
