If things said about you hurt, it’s time to change
Looking back, I’m grateful for that stinging comment because it woke me up from the slumber that I was in professionally.
Is there something that someone has ever said to you that woke you up from your slumber? And not slumber in the real sense of the word. Mental slumber. Behavioural slumber.
The cocoon of the comfort zone many of us find ourselves in, in the various stages of life. In my case, many instances come to mind, but a particular one, which happened many years ago, stands out.
I was working for a certain media house then, and the General Manager, the person now referred to as Head of HR, I believe, was walking from office to office saying ‘hello’.
She had returned having travelled out of the country for a few weeks, and being a relatively small company, it only made sense to check in on the employees. I was at my desk busy at work, determined to beat a looming deadline. Her amused laugh brought my head up. She was standing at the door.
She said, somewhat scornfully, “Carol, you’re still where I left you…” I cannot sufficiently put it into words how much that statement stung me. I felt a kind of embarrassment that I had never felt before. She had singled out my lack of ambition, and it made me feel small. I felt foolish, and for the first time in the almost three years I’d worked here, I wondered why I hadn’t been motivated to look for another job.
I mean, that is one of the ways in which you grow career-wise, isn’t it? I had overstayed my stay, and I was the only one consciously unaware of this fact. That comment prodded me into action I should have long taken. Looking back, I’m grateful for that stinging comment because it woke me up from the slumber that I was in professionally.
Within a year, I’d found another job in a better company, a job that paid better. That incident, which happened so long ago, pops up in my mind once in a while because it triggered me in ways that I’d never been triggered before.
It taught me to pay attention to those seemingly careless comments that people make about you and which offend or make you get worked up.
It means that those things said out loud by that tactless colleague, acquaintance or friend bother you and have been eating you up for a while, only that you have never admitted it to yourself.
It could be your weight, which you’re uncomfortable with or self-conscious about, but haven’t been motivated enough to do something about it. When you least expect it, a loose-mouthed person will comment, “Naona unakula vitu zako vilivyo…” or “The last time I saw you, you were a young girl, now you’re a mumama…” If such comments trigger a strong emotional reaction in you, say shame, embarrassment, resentment or anger, this is your signal that it is time to make some long overdue changes.
Or perhaps you always get worked up or become defensive when those who know you, or even strangers, call out certain unbecoming and recurrent behaviour that others find distasteful or offensive but which you’re in denial about. It could be anger issues, addiction to alcohol and other drugs, abusive behaviour, unreliability and irresponsibility…the list could go on.
Whatever it is, if it offends or embarrasses, this is your cue to do some introspection and tackle it head-on.
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