Meeting your future spouse is one of the most important moments in your life. And increasingly, it’s happening online.
Couples always used to meet in-person of course, and usually close to home. Maybe at work or at school, college, parties, places of worship, through friends, family or colleagues. And in bars of course and on blind dates - which are fun but don’t have a particularly good track record!
But nowadays, especially in cities, a high proportion of relationships are beginni ng online, mostly through dating apps, social media, email and messages. To begin with, dating apps quickly got flooded by people seeking hookups, and online virtual worlds also developed a poor reputation. But these difficulties hid the fact that there are two distinct groups looking for partners online.
The first group are younger people, mostly in their twenties or late teens, who’re not yet looking for long term partners.
They predominantly search on the dating apps, and surveys suggest that this doesn’t seem to be working out too well for them. One reason may be ‘choice overload.’ Because when options seem plentiful, uncommitted couples tend to jump ship more quickly, and so they don’t develop good communication and conflict management skills. Younger couples form much happier relationships when they search offline, perhaps because they then spend longer getting to know one another before they become intimate.
Searching online works especially well for busy executives, because it’s so much easier to meet new people on the internet, and they can get to know each other without spending endless hours on expensive dates!
They first meet up on any of the internet channels, including the dating apps and simple social contacts, and their relationships tend to be happier, more affectionate and more stable than those that start offline. Partly, this seems to be because this group is deliberately looking for a long-term relationship, especially as at least some of them realise that it may be their last chance to start a family. Their relationships also benefit from the way online conversations tend to be more open and uninhibited, which means that they can quickly get to know one another much more deeply.
This group also possess some other positive characteristics that distinguish them from other couples.
For example, they tend to be more mature and better educated, they’re more likely to have a good job or to be running a successful business, and generally have a higher income. They also tend to have had more dating experience and have developed good communication skills. They’re also more skilled at cross cultural and interracial relationships, perhaps through working abroad, or in multinational organisations.
So for experienced couples who are consciously looking for a spouse, searching online is turning out to be a good strategy, better in fact than traditional face to face dating. And best of all, the resulting marriages are happier and longer lasting.
