Thinking of visiting someone? Think twice

“Caro, you have to write about what happened to me last Sunday,” a colleague greeted me almost immediately after I walked into the office. Ladies and gentlemen, sustaining a column for over 10 years is not easy, especially when readers, (and your employer) expect you to write about a ‘fresh’ topic every week.

I therefore get excited when family, friends, colleagues, and even readers, give me ideas for my next column. I therefore braked immediately and headed to her desk. I stopped so abruptly, that if was I driving a car, the car behind me would have rear-ended me.

So here’s what happened to her. Last Sunday, it was past 1pm, she informed me, she received a phone call. She thought twice about picking up the call because she was exhausted, and all that she wanted to do that day was switch between watching TV and taking naps on the sofa.

Her son had had a road accident a few weeks before and had fractured an arm. He was, therefore, unable to do the chores he normally did, such as cooking and cleaning, when his mother worked late, which was often.

After weeks of working a whole day and then returning home to chores, my colleague was tired and wanted to just sit and do nothing on that day. Reluctantly, she decided to pick up the call. It was a nephew calling her, “Auntie, niko hapa chini, soldier amesema uko kwasababu gari yako iko parking…” The young man informed her that he was downstairs, and was sure that she was in the house because the watchman had informed him her car was still in the parking lot. How would you react to such a final statement?

My colleague felt her blood pressure begin to rise, and so many things went through her mind, including how she would slowly kill the watchman later.

Feeling trapped, she informed her nephew that yes, she was in. She lives on the second floor of an apartment building and figured that by the time her surprise visitor cleared the two flights of stairs, she would have changed out of her nightdress. When she opened the door to admit the young man, she got the surprise of her life. Standing next to him wearing a sheepish smile on her face was a young woman she had never seen holding an infant in her arms.

He would later introduce her as his wife – she had given birth to their child three months ago. “We’re from church, my wife suggested that we come visit you since she keeps hearing about you but has never met you,” he explained, even though, my colleague said, she suspects that this was a lie since the young woman quickly looked down in embarrassment following this statement.

To cut a long story short, being a typical African, she went to the kitchen and prepared them a meal since she and her son had already had lunch.

She served them, while trying very hard, being the host, to keep the conversation going since she and her nephew were not especially close and therefore unfamiliar with what was going on in each other’s lives, while she knew nothing about his new wife. It was an awkward afternoon that spilt into the late evening since her surprise visitors were in no hurry to leave.

When they finally bade her goodbye a few minutes to 7 pm, my colleague collapsed on the sofa from physical and mental exhaustion and blacked out, coming to at around 10pm, after which she dragged herself to bed, already dreading Monday.

Her appeal was short, “Please tell people that it is rude and inconsiderate to turn up on people’s doorsteps unannounced.”

Growing up in the rural area, it was common for neighbours to visit one another at all hours of the day without announcing it, but I guess that then, it was acceptable because the said visitors did not expect a buffet and would not begrudge you if you served them ‘strong tea’ or tea without sugar and would be totally fine with a glass of cold water. Things are different in urban areas though, as many put it, “Maisha hapa ni ngumu”.

Everything is budgeted for, this, coupled with the fact that everyone is busy trying to make a living, such visits are frowned on. So please, if you’re not especially close to the one you plan to ‘surprise’ this Sunday after church, think twice.