Early this year, I turned, well, that age when life is supposed to really begin.
But I didn’t throw a party like most of my friends in this age group did – their lavish mega bashes were all over social media, many got makeovers and photoshoots that transformed them into 20-year-olds while others went on holiday or treated themselves to an expensive gift to celebrate this milestone.
I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t experience any FOMO as I scrolled through their happy party photos – I just didn’t feel an iota of pressure to hold a birthday party or gift myself something in spite of the much discussed significance of crossing this bridge.
You see, growing up, we never celebrated birthdays at home. That day went by unnoticed, we did not recognise it in any way such that it barely registered. I only began to pay some attention to my birthday when I grew older, in my early twenties when friends started to invite me to their birthday parties.
But even this was not motivation enough to hold one for myself. I never have to this day in spite of the many birthday parties I have attended. I guess it is difficult to undo behaviour that is cemented with each passing year.
I also recall that we never got new clothes specifically for Christmas Day like other children around us did. At home, we got new clothes any day of the year, even on a school day.
We were bought clothes on a need basis, therefore if Christmas or any other holiday came by and we didn’t need new clothes, we didn’t get any.
This means that we never felt short-changed or lacking in any way when all our cousins came prancing in with their new clothes at my grandfather’s homestead where, as was tradition, we all converged on Christmas Day. I don’t think it even registered that they had new outfits and that we didn’t.
Due to this socialisation, I have never seen the need to buy my children new things to mark special occasions such as Christmas or their birthdays. Just as was the case in my childhood, they get new clothes or shoes on a need basis, and not once have they ever wondered why they don’t get new stuff like their cousins on Christmas Day.
Like was the case with me, the difference doesn’t register because they have grown not to expect any special treatment on this day.
The only way I have deviated from my childhood is that I make an effort to celebrate their birthdays, which they gleefully look forward to.
My experience growing up tells me that you cannot long for, or miss something you have never had or encountered. What we care about or disregard is influenced by our upbringing, which explains why we are so different from the people that we socialise with on a daily basis or why we are unmoved by things or experiences that they are so passionate about.
The way I look at it, these differences are what make each of us interesting, even valuable because we bring a different perspective about life to the table. Today, embrace who you are wholeheartedly.
