We would rather spin tall tales that offer false hope and cause unnecessary antagonism than simply tell it as it is, which is much simpler and less time consuming.
The other day, someone was complaining about a mutual friend who, for the past one year, has been promising to pay money he owes her — a promise he is yet to fulfil. The last time he made this pledge, he told her that he was outside the building that houses her work place, and that he was on his way up to his office.
Four hours later, he still had not turned up, and had gone mteja. That was two months ago. She has, of course, called him many times but he refuses to pick up her calls. Wouldn’t it have been much easier for him to say that he is unable to repay, or ask her to give him more time to come up with the money?
I find myself snorting with irritation whenever I turn on the radio in the morning to hear Kenyans discussing their pet subject on air — the disappointments that are their husbands or wives.
For instance, men often complain that their wives no longer make the effort to look attractive like they did when they were dating; that they have grown fat and “let themselves go”.
Pray, what good does telling a radio host do? Why not share your dissatisfaction with your wife instead?
Complaining about it on national radio serves no purpose, save entertaining, or irritating, bored commuters stuck in traffic jams.
My observation is that although the truth can be sometimes shameful, painful or embarrassing, it is the only way towards positive transformation, besides, it is the only effective way to unburden your heart.
Also, most people are receptive to the truth even though they may act offended initially. Going through the “agony aunt” sections in newspapers, local and foreign, most of the questions asked are about relationships, and many want to know whether their partners love them.
A typical question goes something like this: “Lately, my boyfriend does not pick my calls, and when he calls back a few days later, he says that he could not speak to me because he was busy – does he still love me?”
I wouldn’t blame you if you just rolled your eyes. However, while the answer may seem obvious to you and me, some people find it difficult to read non-verbal cues, and would rather hear it said out loud.
My point? If you’re no longer interested in someone, tell them outright, instead of resorting to madharau ndogo ndogo, as someone I know would say. This truth might be difficult to voice, but it will free both of you.
And since we’re talking about honesty, maybe it is time you told that friend who chews with their mouth open to try doing it closed, instead of trying to hide your disgust.
The same goes for the one who chews gum noisily, or the one that slurps their tea.
Can we all agree that from today, being a new year, we will all start telling the truth? It is less time-consuming, liberating, and might just get you what you want.
The writer is editor, Society & Magazines, Daily Nation. Email: cnjunge@ ke.nationmedia.com
