The honeymoon phase is over, and routine has set in, how do you ensure you remain connected as a couple?
Couples almost always start off deeply in love, only to be amazed by how easily things fall apart. They’re sure that their love will always keep them close, but many things can knock them off course. Such as the struggle to balance togetherness and individuality. Most couples are surprised when that turns into a problem.
These challenges usually emerge during the first year or so, and so you often hear young couples saying that they’re growing apart. The excitement of falling in love has faded, and there’s usually a gap before they settle into a longer-term attachment.
Some couples manage that gap well. Self-confident, accepting and supportive, their relationships last a lifetime.
Other couples are less comfortable with closeness and trust. They find it difficult to depend on each other and are jealous, defensive and quick to blame. Even worse are people who are obsessive, needy or vulnerable. Their relationships last the shortest of all.
It’s also common for couples to struggle if they have developed habits that are fine for singles, but which don’t work well after marriage. Like drinking with colleagues after work instead of spending their evenings together.
The demands of careers and children are also challenging. There are just too few hours in the day, and it’s easy to start neglecting your relationship while you’re concentrating on your job or the children.
Avoid this by reconnecting regularly. For example, by sharing a cup of tea together just as soon you’ve both reached home. It tunes you in to one another again for the rest of the evening. Agree on a shared bedtime and spend the last 30 minutes or so of every day relaxing and snacking together—children tucked into bed and all your screens off.
Another challenge is that we’re marrying later. Spending more time living as singles means couples have become used to making their own decisions. So combining the lives of two highly independent people can be quite a problem.
Sometimes it’s just a question of getting used to talking together about decisions that affect you both or agreeing to differ about stuff that’s individually important. You should also be accepting of each other’s personality traits, and recognise that you’ll inevitably see the world from different perspectives.
Always be positive towards one another. So catch yourself anytime you’re about to say something negative, and instead make your point in a supportive way. Watch too for the different approaches that men and women take towards conflict. Make things easier by avoiding ambushes, and scheduling discussions for a good time. Keep things short and businesslike, remember that you don’t need to agree about everything and won’t get your way all the time. Always make up after every fight, and don’t hold on to resentment.
Keep your sex life active by being inventive and doing your utmost to please one another. And above all, celebrate your relationship. Enjoy every anniversary and sincerely cherish one another. And you’ll stay married forever!
