Kelly Falardeau is constantly standing in front of crowds, aware that most people will be staring at her scars but undaunted. She is a burn survivor who has refused to be defined by the marks left by a near-death childhood accident.
What first hits you when you meet this 44-year-old go-getter is her broad smile, the spring in her step and her drive. Scars or no, here is a woman who has always defined reality in her own terms – inner beauty; the beauty from “inside out”.
And this is what she flew all the way from Canada to share with about 100 survivors of Nairobi’s Sinai fire tragedy.
The Sinai inferno, in which 100 people died and 160 were injured, in September 2011 was caused by a leaking gasket, which sent rivers of petrol flooding through storm drains into a slum.
Fire tragedies are something Kelly is familiar with. At the age of two, while her elder cousins were burning some garbage, a fireball fell on the little girl’s dress, setting it ablaze.
Instead of rolling her on the ground, the children ran off to look for water, as the fire spread. Thanks to a wet diaper, the flames did not spread below the waist, but the toddler was left with 75 per cent burns, and fighting for dear life.
“Learning to live with scars in my childhood years wasn’t easy,” Kelly says.
She grew up in Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada and desperately longed to fit in with other children, even as she was constantly picked on because of the marks on her face, neck arms, back and legs.
“I was labelled the ugly scar-faced girl in school. Each day was an uncertain risk for me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be teased, stared at or, even worse, rejected. I faced some difficult years,” she recalls.
But her family was very supportive and she was never treated any differently from her siblings (a younger sister and step-brother).
“They let challenges come my way, gave me opportunities and never stopped me from pursuing what I wanted to pursue just because I had scars. This moulded me into an independent individual who took each challenge positively. I tried different things and worked hard to make things happen.”
Another thing that helped her was the medical attention she received in Canada. Kelly underwent a series of surgeries until she was 21 years old.
“The access to surgery and advanced technology helped me a lot,” she says. “It’s unfortunate that the Sinai fire victims cannot enjoy the same here in Kenya as it’s too expensive and not readily available,” she adds as she listens to some of the burn survivors tell their tales of rejection.
One woman, for instance, narrated how her family no longer visits her and speaks ill of her because her face, hands and legs are scarred.
During the conference held at a church hall in the Sinai slums earlier this month, Kelly encouraged the burn survivors to accept their new appearance. She also conducted a needs assessment which she says would assist her as she tries to figure out the kind of help that they need. She plans to visit them again after doing some fundraising to help them reconstruct their lives.
Kelly advised the crowd of burn survivors, most of them women, to look at their inner beauty and feel good about themselves instead of trying to look beautiful to other people.
“Our scars make us human. Whether wounded flesh or damaged ego, our scars tell a story that is infinitely more rich, complex and intimate than a million close-up shots of flawless skin-deep beauty.”
“Keep little children away from flames, including candles, kerosene lamps, stoves and jikos and store matchboxes out of their reach. When you hear of an impending tragedy, run away from it – do not go near a fuel spill,” she told the gathering.
The medium-built woman exudes self-confidence in her sleeveless dress and is living proof that one can rise above rejection.
She told the crowd: “People still call me ‘beautiful’, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘sexy’. This encourages me to motivate others as I share some of the challenges that I have overcome and encourage women to love their bodies and have a high self-esteem.”
As a teenager, after years of hospital visits, surgeries, skin grafting and wondering what life would be like without burns, she chose to live a full life and embrace happiness. She tried the cheerleading squad and school choir.
“I asked guys if they wanted to dance. I put myself out there because I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere in life if I just sat home sulking in self-pity and blaming the scars.”
She got married at 20 and has a 13-year-old daughter and nine-year old twin sons. The early years of her marriage were faced with uncertainty as most people who knew her questioned whether she would be able to carry a pregnancy to full-term given the scars on her abdomen.
“When I first conceived and my tummy expanded, my skin got irritated but I delivered a healthy baby. And when I conceived the twins, the babies were okay but the skin stretched too much so the scars were bleeding. They were delivered three and a half weeks early,” she says.
Kelly is an international motivational keynote speaker and blogger. She has also produced a documentary, SexAbility, which explores disability and sexual intimacy.
She is a longtime supporter of the Canadian Burn Foundation, Alberta Children’s Burn Camp and a past president of the Alberta Burn Rehabilitation Society. In addition, she has three books to her name: No Risk No Rewards, Self Esteem Doesn’t Come in a Bottle and 1000+ Tips for Teenagers.
She too draws encouragement from talking to other burn survivors. Part of her work is talking to teenagers on self-esteem.
In 2010, Kelly won Twitter’s People Choice Award and Fierce Woman of the Year Award, in which she had to face her own skeletons on a fashion runway.
“I had to face my fears of rejection. The experience took my mind back to school where I was teased and whispered about. Seeing that it was a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I decided it wasn’t a risk I could afford not to take,” she recollects.
