Our relationships are like Kenyan roads…

If it happens to be a new road, commuters will talk about nothing else except how pleasantly things will change for them.

Soon, the construction is completed, and people are so excited, some are even tempted to lie on the tarmac!

Change does happen; public transport becomes available, value of property appreciates a hundred fold, businesses and farmers do better and the general outlook of that area changes.

Three years down the road however, due to poor workmanship, cracks begin to appear, small ones at first, which become bigger by the day, and finally, they develop into the craters that we Kenyans know too well.

Vehicles are damaged; dust returns with a vengeance and accidents increase, with them, permanent scars and loss of lives.

Right in front of our eyes, what held great promise and hope to us becomes a source of disappointment and anguish.

We’re soon up in arms against the “government” with the typical Kenyan refrain: “tungetaka serikali itusaidie…”

Yet every single day, we ply the roads, going about our business in spite of the difficulties.

Relationships behave much the same way. In every relationship, hope and promise are intricately intertwined with the potential for disappointment.

And just like with the roads, we don’t give our relationships the nourishment they need to withstand the bad times. When it begins to crack, we allow the dust of the disappointment to block our view of the promise that the relationship still holds.

Here are some thoughts to consider.

First, just like roads, relationships are necessary in spite of their challenges. People come into the relationship with expectations, some realistic, some unrealistic and everything in between.

The backgrounds we come from inform those expectations to a great extent, and these are further reinforced by folk tales and fantasies of romance, family, wealth and so on.

When these expectations are not met, disappointments are bound to occur.

Yet, like the roads, relationships still hold great promise for happiness, health and wealth. Mark Gungor, the creator of the video, “Laugh your Way to a Better Marriage” quotes research that says married people are happier, healthier and make more money on average than singles.

The challenges notwithstanding, I am of the opinion that human beings have not yet discovered any other source of companionship, love, friendship, and pleasure that is greater than which is found in relationships.

Another thought is the permanent nature of roads. Every time I visit my home town, I am amazed that most of the roads are still there; I can actually direct someone to my home without the fear that the road will have disappeared. Generally, roads have a permanent nature.

In the same way, relationships must be approached with a view of staying put, for better or for worse.

This was the major plank in the traditional marriage in Africa, as well as a central tenet of the Christian tradition to which most Kenyans pledge allegiance.

Unfortunately, these traditional ideals of love, courtship, marriage and family have largely been discarded and without clear guidelines, relationships are likely to be a difficult proposition for anyone.

The proliferation and acceptance of come-we-stay arrangements and other forms of non-committal type of unions is a challenge.

This is because the roles that marriage plays in the society—producing and nurturing children to maturity, providing companionship and building wealth, require a high level of permanency.

The promise of relationships lies in commitment, and if approached from any other angle, relationships become unfulfilling.

For the record, this article was inspired by the state of the Ngong-Kiserian Road that I regularly use. On that note, “Ninaomba serikali itusaidie…”

The writer is a counsellor. Do you have a question? Write to [email protected]