An open letter to the one that got away

Scrolling through Instagram at 2am, you freeze. There they are – your ex, living their best life at that new aesthetic café in TRM, Thika Road that just opened. You know the one. Your thumb hovers over their story, and boom – there goes your heart doing that annoyingly familiar dance it always does when you see them.

Remember those Sunday afternoons at Java House Kimathi Street? Just you, them, and that shared plate of masala fries you'd always fight over (but not really, because you loved how they'd always let you have the last bite). Their laugh would echo over the buzz of coffee machines, turning heads because you both were always a little too loud, a little too happy.

Now your favourite booth sits there, probably hosting another couple's story, while you're stuck in your bedroom at midnight, overthinking every TikTok they post. They're out there glowing up, hanging out with their squad, while you're still saving their old WhatsApp statuses. (Yes, we both know you still do that – no judgment here!)

The thing about Nairobi love stories is how they linger in every corner of the city. That Campus parking lot where you had your first kiss. That random matatu stop where they surprised you after class. Even that silly fight outside your local that now makes you laugh because, honestly, who breaks up over someone double-tapping their ex's photo from 2019?

You're probably reading this on your phone right now, wondering if you're the only one who feels this way. 

Trust me, somewhere in Kenya, someone else is also lying in bed, thinking about their "what if." But here's the real question, bestie: between all these memories living rent-free in your head, when are you going to start writing your next chapter? 

Here, just like you, a few people write to the loves that slipped away. 

I can’t reconcile reason you left

Jatoh Jemimah, 29 is a data analyst in pharmaceutical at Summers Kenya.

Babe,

“I’ve spent so much time thinking about everything that happened between us. Even though you’ve moved on, I find it so hard to forget you. Babe, we shared something special, and I’ll always remember the love and care you showed me. The six years we spent together felt like a dream. We were even planning a future, building a family and I was excited for what we were creating, especially when I gave birth to our child.
But that’s when things started to change. I realised there were things happening behind my back, things I could never have imagined, like you getting back with your ex. I confronted you about it, but it felt like no matter how much I tried, nothing got through. It became a constant source of chaos, and I felt like I was always the one fighting for your attention, fighting for us, but it seemed like she was your priority. Eventually, I had to take a step back, especially with our newborn in my arms. The stress was too much, and that’s when I decided to part ways.
Healing from all of that took time. Being a first-time mom without you by my side was difficult than I could’ve ever expected. There were days I couldn’t hold back my tears, even at work. I would hide in the bathroom just to cry, and eventually, I had to seek therapy to get through it. I kept asking myself if I made the right decision to let go. I reached out, tried to talk to you about being there for our son, but the pain of it all kept me questioning if there was still something worth holding on to.
I tried to move on after that, but the next relationship I entered was even more disappointing. The man I turned to ended up being unfaithful, leaving me even more confused about what I wanted and needed. It made me wonder if we could’ve made things work, if we could’ve been the family I always dreamed of. But now, with you married to the same woman who came between us, that chance has passed. You may still say you have feelings for me, but I know now that your actions don’t match your words. I won’t let myself be used again.
I’ve always believed there’s a right person for everyone, and for me, you were that person. I imagined us raising our child together, creating a life, but now, it seems like just a dream. The reality is, I can’t have you. 
It’s made it so much difficult for me to trust anyone or fall in love again. You were the first man I truly loved, and it breaks me to know that, in the end, you chose someone else.
The thought of our past, of what we could’ve had, still haunts me. Having a child with someone who’s moved on feels like a constant reminder that maybe you never cared for me the way I did. 
I know you’ll always find a way to come back into my life, for the sake of our son. But right now, I’m focused on raising him and taking care of myself. I’m not ready to be in a relationship again. My son is my priority, and I want to make sure he’s never a burden to anyone. He’s my motivation now, and being a single mom has only pushed me to work harder for a better future for both of us.

All the best,
Jatoh”

I let go to make room for the right person

Brian Makori, 26, is an entrepreneur, a photographer and a model based in Nairobi.

Sweetie,

“I remember meeting you back in 2016. From the moment we crossed paths, I knew there was something special about you. You were beautiful, kind, and had everything I’d ever wanted in a partner. We got along so well, and it felt like we were building something meaningful. I truly thought you were the one I was meant to settle down with.
But something started to shift. The signs were few at first, but eventually, I couldn’t ignore them. It felt like you were slipping away, like there was someone else in the picture, even though you kept saying you loved me. I didn’t want to believe it because you were the one I wanted to be with, the one I imagined a future with. 
When I found out the truth that you were seeing someone else I was hurt more than I can explain, especially because I had invested so much of myself into our relationship.
Loving you felt like I was having a one-sided conversation. I gave you my heart, shared my dreams, and showed you care in every way I knew how, but it always felt like you didn’t see me. I would wait for your texts, long for your attention, but I was left in the dark. Even when we were together, I felt invisible, like my efforts didn’t matter. It was like everything you told me was just a lie, and eventually, I had to walk away and it broke me to do so.
I was ready to take the next step with you, to introduce you to my family, and to start a life together. I loved you deeply, and it hurt to see you move on with someone else. I would still see your posts online with him, and it felt like a reminder of what we could’ve been. I tried reaching out to you, hoping that things could be different, but you turned me down. Maybe I wasn’t the right person for you, even though I truly felt that you were the one for me.
I could never quite understand why you chose him over me. He seemed to want a different lifestyle, a more carefree, party-oriented life, and I couldn’t offer that to you. It was hard because, despite everything, I still cared about you. But I realised we wanted different things, and that’s something we couldn’t change.
After we broke up, I moved out of the place we shared. It was hard to stay in a place full of memories of you, especially when you were no longer there. So, I threw myself into what I loved doing most, basketball. It helped me keep my mind busy and slowly start to forget the pain of losing you.
Emotionally, I was lost for a long time, longing for someone I couldn’t have, even though I thought we were meant to be. But over time, I learned my lessons. I focused on myself and didn’t let your posts online get to me. I acted like everything was fine, even though inside I was hurting.
Four months later, I met someone new. She’s different, but in all the right ways. She cares for me, gives me the attention I need, and loves me for who I am. At first, I wasn’t sure I was ready to move on, but as time went by, I realised she was right for me. Her actions and support made me see that sometimes, we have to let go of those we thought were meant for us to make room for the right person. I wish you all the best with everything, and I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for.

Yours,
Brian”

Give me another chance, I have changed

Phoebe Gathoni, 30, is a Customer Relations Officer at Rama homes. 

Babe,

“I remember when we met back in 2020. You were hardworking, God-fearing, and those were qualities I really admired. Our relationship felt like a little piece of heaven, and for the two years we were together, I thought we were building something great. But in December 2022, everything changed. You broke up with me, and I think the reason was that you felt I wasn’t where you needed me to be. 
Babe, you didn’t like that I was into parties and wasn’t going to church at the time. I understand now why those things bothered you, but at the time, I don’t think I was ready to make those changes.
I sometimes wonder if it was the right decision to end things like we did. Maybe if you had given me more time to change, I could have been the person you wanted me to be. I was still young, still trying to figure things out and have fun. I think with time, I would have grown into what you needed, but we never really got that chance.
Since then, I’ve changed a lot. I don’t drink anymore, and I don’t go to parties. I started going to church again. It’s like I’ve grown into the person you probably hoped I would be back then. But we never got the chance to grow together, and that still hurts.
The breakup really tore me apart. It wasn’t easy, and it’s been a long and painful journey. I cried a lot, hoping that maybe tomorrow would be easier. I kept wondering if things would work out with someone else, but nothing felt right. We had something special, and I was sure it was what I wanted. 
I tried other relationships, but none of them worked. Maybe it’s because I was still holding onto what we had, or maybe I was just scared of repeating the same mistakes.
I regret not reaching out to you after the breakup. I wish I could have tried to make things right, to talk things through and see if we could work things out. Our egos got in the way, and we never tried to fix things. Looking back, I realise that I was the one who was wrong, and I didn’t fully understand that at the time.
I know you’ve probably moved on by now. We don’t talk anymore. But if I had the chance, I’d want to understand if I ever gave you what you needed. I’d want to know why we didn’t try to sort things out, and if you truly loved me the way you said you did. I also want you to know how much your influence changed me. You made me a better person.
Sometimes, I believe that maybe good things don’t last forever, or that love isn’t just about being there for each other. I thought you were the one, and when things ended, it made me question everything. Maybe there isn’t just one right person for everyone, after all.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I do believe that if we met now, things might be different. I’ve changed a lot since then, and I’d like to think that we could work things out if we ever got the chance.

Love,
Phoebe”

I’d want to ask why you married my best friend.

Sharlyne Wanjiru, 32, is a self-employed interior designer and decorator.

My love,

“I recall our time back in church, the year was 2010. At the time, you were just a fellow brother to me. But over time, something changed, and by 2011, we began to notice each other in a different way. Our connection felt so natural, and we shared so much in common. We had dreams and goals for the future, and everything seemed perfect. Our relationship was beautiful in the beginning, and for three years, I thought we were building something solid.
Eventually, things started to change. Our communication became difficult, and I couldn’t understand why every conversation seemed to lead to arguments. No matter how much we tried to talk things through, we couldn’t agree on anything. I began to notice that you would walk out of the room to take phone calls, and I realised you were talking to someone else. The trust between us started to fade, and I found myself overthinking. I felt like I couldn’t continue in a relationship where I wasn’t fully respected or trusted.
I decided to take a break from you. I didn’t want to lose you, and I hoped that the time apart would give you space to think things over. When we decided to give things another try, I was hopeful. But unfortunately, things only got worse. You started flirting with other women, proudly boasting about how many women were interested in you. That made me feel insecure and reminded me that you weren’t ready for the kind of relationship I wanted. It became clear that we were on different paths, and I couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who wasn’t ready to settle down.
So, I walked away. I wanted to be in a relationship that could lead to something more, and I wasn’t getting that from you. A year later, I tried to move on, and I began dating someone else. But even then, you couldn’t let go. You would still reach out, check in on me, and show me the things I needed to see when we were together. It confused me, and I started to question whether I made the right decision. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, and I struggled with whether I had made a mistake in letting you go.
Then, the unexpected happened. You married my best friend. That hit me more than I ever expected. The man you became seemed like the one I had always wanted you to be, the focused, mature person I had hoped for when we were together. I couldn’t help but feel betrayed, but at the same time, I had to let go. Love is unpredictable, and sometimes you don’t realise how deep it is until it’s gone.
I tried to focus on my new relationship, but my mind kept wandering back to you. It didn’t feel right because you were already married, and I knew I couldn’t have you back. But if I’m being honest with myself, a part of me still wonders what would’ve happened if things had worked out differently.
Now, I find myself reluctant to fall in love again. I’ve become someone who pushes people away because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I want to be alone for now, but deep down, I still think about you. If I ever saw you again, I’d want to ask why you married my best friend. I’d want to know if you would have ever given me another chance, if we had decided to try again. I don’t know where life will take me, but I wanted to say all of this because it’s something I’ve been holding onto for so long.

Dejected,
Sharlyne”

moochieng@ke.nationmedia.com