Beryle Okowa (left), Vivian Okoth and Beryl Amondi.
Women’s friendships are something else, aren’t they? Some friendships flicker, but there are the ones that stand the test of time to survive distance, career changes, marriages and motherhood.
Lifestyle talks to women who have walked side by side for over 20 years.
Our Chama glued us ….
On a December afternoon in 1994, a group of young women, Caroline Kadenge, Millicent Palo and Elizabeth Ouma, gathered in Eastleigh for a one-year-old’s birthday party. The laughter and the shared nostalgia going back to high school was too good to let go.
"We hardly see each other," one of them commented. And so, right there, they made it their business to meet every month without fail. That promise turned into a Chama in January 1995 that has stood the test of time and grown into an unbreakable sisterhood. From the beginning, the group had a structure.
“As they make noise here saying I’m a dictator, they unanimously agreed that I become their chairperson,” Caroline laughs. “But we didn’t know,” another laughs.
They share that their early twenties was a time of transition, starting jobs, moving into their own homes, and some, like their chairperson, raising a young child. The Chama became their anchor, a space where they could pool their money to help one another set up their homes.
Vivian Okoth, a twin who currently resides in the UK, is a believer in female friendship that has seen her relationship with their best friend go for over two decades.
“We were still young. We didn’t even have utensils in our houses, so our money was for buying the viombo,” says Millicent.
At first, their contribution was to help each member buy essentials like cookers, dinner sets, or furniture.
“If you went to the shop yourself, buying everything at once was impossible, but with our Chama, pooling resources meant one could get that big-ticket item they needed,” Millicent adds.
As years passed by, their bond went beyond money. Their children grew up together, their husbands became friends and they found ways to celebrate life as a community. “We had children’s days, spouse's days, girls’ days out,” Elizabeth says. “On spouse day, we would take our husbands out. And buy them gifts! I still have the gift I bought for my late husband,” she adds.
They continued to evolve into bigger achievements.
“We started acquiring cars. We started investing. We realised we needed to think about our futures, about savings,” Caroline says.
Thirty years is more than enough time for most Chamas to collapse under the weight of gossip, financial disputes and even life’s priorities. But they defied the odds. "Many people ask us, ‘What’s your secret?’ We just think it's God because normally for women, the first three to five years is when most groups collapse," the chairperson adds. They have supported each other through marriage, motherhood, career changes, and loss. They had a tradition of visiting one another’s childhood homes to strengthen their bond even further.
“We know where each of us was born and where each of us got married. We shop for our parents, ask them what big thing they need, a water tank, a fridge and we make sure they get it,” Millicent says.
Their children being raised together, became like siblings. “They can’t even date one another because they see one another as family,” one laughs.
Currently thriving in their 50s, their focus has shifted to financial security.
“We started thinking—after 60, what next? Our children won’t be sending us money the way we used to send our parents, so, we decided to build ours,” Elizabeth says. They opened investment accounts and started saving for retirement to ensure they would not be financially dependent on anyone.
Beryl Amondi, one among many of the women who have managed to keep their friendship for over two decades with her twin best friends
“We don’t want to be a burden to our children. Society has changed,” Elizabeth adds. “We stress each other,” their chairperson laughs. “I even have high blood pressure because of them!” But would she trade this bond for anything? Never. Over their 30 years of friendship, they have also travelled together and shared unforgettable moments. Their adventures have taken them to Dubai, Kampala and even China, with each trip adding to their treasure of memories.
“We love fun,” one of them laughs. “And God somehow blessed us with husbands who allowed us some sort of freedom. Of course, we were timed, we had to be home by a certain hour, but we made the most of our outings,” Caroline says.
Their travels were not just about partying. They took pride in their appearance, ensuring they were always on trend.
“We never knew jeans and t-shirts. Every month before our meetings, we would have a new outfit, all tailored at Imenti House,” one of them recalls.
“Trouser suits were the thing back then. One of us had a tailoring shop, so each of us would place our orders, but we wouldn’t know what the others had picked until the meeting day.”
Beyond their travels and fun, their friendship has been a pillar of support in serious matters. Whether it was building a home or facing a personal crisis, they leaned on one another.
“We are in each other’s space, so anything going on in our lives, everyone knows. We pray for each other, encourage each other, and even share the stress when one of us is going through something tough,” they say.
Two Beryls and a friendship that became family
It started as an ordinary childhood friendship—three girls in matching school uniforms, giggling over shared lunchboxes in a dusty classroom in Muhoroni, Kisumu County. They were inseparable.
But what none of them could have predicted back in 1999 was that their friendship would survive the test of time and evolve into something even deeper.
Beryle Okowa, a twin who currently resides in the UK, is a believer in female friendship that has seen her relationship with their best friend go for over two decades.
Vivian Okoth, her twin sister Beryl Okowa, and their best friend, Beryl Amondi, have been bonded by friendship for 25 years, and as fate would have it, the ties that bound them were about to become even stronger—Amondi fell in love with, and married the twins’ cousin, which turned their friendship into a family affair.
“We have never fallen out, not during our teens nor during adulthood, so it never crossed my mind that we would ever stop being friends,” Vivian says.
Friendships often fade with time. People move, priorities shift, and life happens. But for these three, distance and adulthood have only strengthened their bond.
The twins relocated to the UK over a decade ago, a move that could have put a strain on their relationship with Amondi. Instead, it made them more intentional about keeping in touch.
“I’m the one who first moved to the UK while they stayed behind, so in the initial days back then about 15 years ago, it was hard to communicate and also costly, it’s not like now when we have WhatsApp. In spite of this, we communicated nearly just as much as we communicate now,” Okowa says.
Amondi adds, “We have always been each other’s constant. It’s funny because we don’t even share other friends. My friends are my friends, theirs are theirs, but us three? We are our little world.”
Through career changes, marriages, and motherhood, they have remained one another’s strongest support system. They have celebrated each other’s victories and carried one another throughout.
Fights? What Fights?
It’s almost impossible to imagine a friendship spanning over two decades without conflict. But when asked if they have ever had major fights, the response is unexpected.
“We have very open and honest communication about our emotions because we don’t do grudges. For example, if Amondi is going to do something that I don’t approve of, honestly I would not think even twice about calling her out about it. There’s no room for silent treatment or passive aggression,” Vivian says.
Okowa chimes in, “If I tell Amondi she’s wrong, she won’t be defensive. ‘Okay, I hear you,’ she will say, and we move on. If an hour later we need to plan a birthday or take the kids out, we’ll do it like nothing happened.”
This direct no-nonsense approach has been the secret to their friendship.
“We don’t let pride get in the way. I think when friendships fail, it’s often because people are too proud to admit when they’re wrong. We have never had that problem. We correct one another and we move on,” Amondi says.
When she married the twins’ cousin, one might have assumed it would complicate things. But the three have been careful not to let their friendships bleed into their marriages.
“My husband is their cousin, but he’s not their friend,” Amondi points out.
“We don’t mix the two. If I have a problem with him, I won’t run to them. That’s my marriage, our friendship is separate.”
Vivian adds, “And it goes both ways. We love Amond’s husband as family, but we don’t involve ourselves in their relationship. She’s our best friend first. Her husband is our cousin first. That way, there is no confusion, we don’t get involved in their marriage.”
Despite growing families and busy careers, the trio still holds on to one important tradition—Christmas.
“We are Christmas mad. As children, we spent every Christmas together. Even now, it’s still a rule. By October, we have already started planning for it. It doesn’t matter where we are in the world, we will find a way to be together for the holidays,” Vivian says.
“We are not party animals, so we don’t do big celebrations, it’s just us, our families, and a quiet gathering in Kisumu, Muhoroni, or wherever we decide.”
This tradition has become even more meaningful as their families grow, ensuring that their children also form strong bonds.
Many friendships don’t survive past childhood. Life gets in the way, priorities change and people drift apart. What makes theirs different?
“We became friends when we were children. When you meet as adults, you are meeting fully formed, but when you grow up together, you have seen each other at your best and worst. You’ve laughed, cried, fought, and supported each other through everything. Friendships formed in childhood are pure, real and they last,” Okowa explains.
The Unbreakable Bond
Carolyne Naluwa and Sally Nyongesa's friendship has weathered separation, challenges, and even financial disagreements, only to grow stronger.
“We have been friends for a long time, since 1994,” Carolyne says.
Their story began in high school when fate placed them at the same desk in Form One.
“She was my deskmate from Form One to Form Four,” Carolyne says, “We sat on the same desk from Form One to Form Four.”
But after high school, life took them on different paths. While Sally secured direct entry to a university in Nairobi, Carolyne pursued a diploma in Mombasa. “Unfortunately, Caro did not qualify for direct entry to university. I joined the University of Nairobi, while she went to a college in Mombasa.”
The separation meant that, for years, communication was almost going to be nonexistent. “During that time, phones were not there. We couldn’t afford to buy one because phones were expensive, so communication became very difficult,” Carolyne says.
Yet, despite the silence, their friendship remained intact. “The moment we got in touch again, we started communicating,” Sally says.
As adulthood settled in, their lives took different turns once more. Carolyne was the first to get married while still in Mombasa. “I got married first, but my best friend took some time,” she laughs. “She got married more than eight years later.”
And when Sally’s wedding day arrived, there was no question about Carolyne’s role. “I was among her best. I took part in major roles in her wedding.”
But like any long-standing friendship, they have had their fair share of challenges. Disagreements, moments of silence and even financial misunderstandings that tested their bond.
“At one time or another, maybe you’re mad at her, she’s mad at you. But somehow, we always reconcile,” Carolyne says.
One of their biggest hurdles came in the form of a work opportunity. Sally had secured a contract job for Carolyne, cooking for children during choir festivals.
“The first contract was very good, and we were so happy, both of us,” Carolyne recalls, “But after two years, she got me another contract, and that’s when we differed a bit because the money did not flow well compared to the first contract.”
Sally did not just forgive, she extended another hand of support. “She again stood in for me. I was a bit down again. She gave me some good money to begin another business,” Carolyne says
Sally has been more than just a friend, Carolyne explains, she has been a pillar of strength.
“She has been a best friend. I have never had a friend like her. She is a friend who will never give up. She is a friend who will never look at the past. She will always consider the weight of your problem first. And she will always come in very fast.”
mrsitawa@ke.nationmedia.com
