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Dilemma: How will I know if I am pleasing my man in bed?
What you need to know:
- Performance anxiety, worrying about being able to satisfy your husband, can create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- You must work on this dilemma with your husband.
- He must support you in rebuilding your intimacy and confidence.
I’ve recently started wondering whether I’m pleasing my husband in bed, and I’m too scared to ask him. I can’t bring myself to have that conversation with him since I am not sure of his answer but the uncertainty is killing me. What do I need to do to be great for him?
How long have you been together? When did the "recently" begin and for how long have you been wondering about pleasing your husband? Do you have underlying or unresolved domestic issues? Intimacy is a collective responsibility. What is it that you used to do or how you did it then that you're not doing recently? If he's not complaining, then he could be fine with it or he could be suffering in silence especially if he's not sure how you would react if he raised the issue. He could be scared to raise the issue just as much as you do.
Performance anxiety, worrying about being able to satisfy your husband, can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You must work on this dilemma with your husband. He must support you in rebuilding your intimacy and confidence. Don't suffer alone. The most appropriate solution is talking about this together, but not just any time, anywhere or anyhow. Be considerate. When he's in a good mood, privately and politely. I wish you all the best.
D Mutunga, from the school of life
When going to bed, don't dress as a watchman. Wear a night dress and he will be one who will start the conversation.
Morris Odoyo
Why are you doubting yourself? Be confident in yourself and work hard to improve daily. That is the only secret to solving such problems in marriage.
Omwana Omogire
Is he complaining? Reach out to him and have a candid discussion. He cannot kill you for asking.
Brian Jumba
FROM THE EXPERT
First things first. Remove the idea of being great for him. That will only have you overthinking and constantly under pressure. The only effective and practical step is to ask him what he likes. But you also must consider your pleasure. As much as you want to please him, he also needs to pleasure you as his woman. If anything, men do not like discovering that their woman sacrificed her sexual pleasure for them. Having that conversation avoids guesswork and misunderstandings. Let it be a mutual discovery of each other’s bodies. I strongly advise you have that talk.
Maurice Matheka is a relationships expert
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
We have two children under 10, and caring for them nearly always takes priority. I rarely have time to go to the gym, wash my hair or see friends – and by the end of the day I’m too exhausted to have sex. My husband is a great dad, but I take on more of the mental load and have lost more of myself in parenthood. I love him, so I’m trying to be more available to him, but I don’t want to have sex out of duty. What do I do?
